The Piece To Complete Me

Growing up ain't always been easy for me, from my birth to now my life has been a living hell. Daddy in and out of jail, now prison. * sighs * It's rough.

Hey, my name is Essence. Essence Brielle Jordan that is. Most people call me Eb. I'm 17 and a junior at Grove Oak Highschool. I'm 5'9" tall, brownskinned, short hair but I keeps my inches, and I'm every guy's dream girl. I have a full figure, brown eyes, brains, and a walk that breaks necks. I'm in my second semester of 11th grade and it's the 4th year that my dad has been in prison. You would think I would be use to this by now considering he's been in and out since my birth. Well im not, it's stressful. Every girl needs that father figure in her life, but me - I don't have one. I can't flex and say he hasn't been there because he has been the one to listen to and help with my problems. I just don't like that jail and prison is where he has been spending his life. I was a little girl the first couple of times he went, but then when I was 7 or 8 he got married. Oh God why did he do that? Trying to hustle for this lady to help her take care of her kids, he got set up. Trying to keep from going to prison, he said he was a drug addict. He went to rehab for 2 years. August 6, 2006 he came home and promised me he wouldn't go back. Oh yea did I mention this hoe had a baby while my daddy was locked up? But yea she had a baby and it got our last name !! My cousin the daddy too. But like I was saying, he made that promise and I believed it. He stayed out 3 years and 5 months. I had just saw him on my birthday in 2009, 4 days later my ma called me saying my daddy was on the run for " child molestation " I broke down right then and fell to my knees. Wtf? All I could hear my ma say was "it was his stepchild." I filled with anger and rage, that little bitch! She had been hoeing all her life and was only about 10. She knew more about sex than I did and I was 13. I picked up my phone and called my daddy, he answered!

Me: Daddy?

Daddy: Yes Babygirl

Me: Where are you?

Daddy: I can't say right now

Me: So it's true?

Daddy: Babygirl you know I would never do anything like this

Me: What happened?

Daddy: I Gotta Go Baby

Me: * interrupting him* daddy wait

Him: I love you

* beep *

My eyes instantly filled with tears, I had noone to talk to. My ma didn't care, she believed it. I had no one to turn to. There I layed crying on the floor asking myself how could he? It was days before I pulled myself together. One week later I saw my daddy on WALB most wanted, repeated in my head was the reporter's voice saying "he had promised to turn himself in monday, he is now said to be dangerous" I got mad all over again. School started again and it was 2nd semester and I was only in 7th grade. Daily I was teased and questioned about him being related to me. That's when my attitude kicked in. My life changed tremendously, I stopped denying my relations to him and admitted he was my father. That's when I was asked was it me it happened to, why the hell did they wanna do that? I snapped, I felt tried. But this was only the beginning of a sad situation!

I CHANGED. I lost all respect for everyone. I became rude, I mean very rude. The person I had become was something people never expected. Trouble was always in my path. From fighting to threatening, I became a bad girl. Yea I was judged and disliked because of it, but noone understood the hurt I felt. It was like someone took my heart and shattered it. I was missing that one piece I needed most and that was love from a man.

* no I didn't start dating grown men lol *

I was already in a relationship with an 8th grader, Jamal Lamont Freeman. I loved him, we had only been together a month and a few weeks by the time this all happened. When it did I fell for him more and in love I went. He was my first love - brownskinned, average height, and laid back. I needed his comfort, he was there. He gave me the love I needed and I felt complete. Suddenly we faced problems because I wasn't the only female that wanted him. Here she was, this short girl with long her, no figure, and a moth ball smell. I envied her. She ruined everything, after 5 months of being in love I refused to compete and let him go. It killed me inside and for some reason he seemed happier. That's when it hit me! He had been cheating with her. Sad I know, but it didn't stop there. I was determined to find someone to complete me. Then I met Xavier Jones, he wasn't the prettiest guy to look at, but he was tall, brown skinned, and he knew how to make a girl happy. We had a continuously on and off relationship for months, I didn't feel complete by him. So yea I gave up on him too. I just couldn't  find that one guy.