Random Anime Pics 6

Author's Note: I don't feel myself anymore. Sorry

This week has been extremely the worse week I have ever experience in my life. 

I have let down my best friends along with my teammates in two different things. 

First on Monday, I had a business competition which I was planning to go and had  a partner who is one for my closes friends I have, but couldn't because of I had an appointment with my doctor who prescripts me medication for my anxiety and AADH. If you don't know, It means Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. You can say that I couldn't have cancel it, but the appointment basically needs interpreters who can speak english and Spanish, along with Sign Language and English. 

Then Tuesday, My teacher guilt trips me, because I let my partner down. I am extremely guilty about it. My friend understood what happened. But my teacher was guilt tripping me seriously. Which I felt extreme depressed but didn't show it. 

I don't want to admit it, but I was diagnose that I have depression. I didn't get it why, but I do have my moments. 

Then today(Wednesday): I had a competition in swimming. so I was completely fine. My coach ask me if i can do 100 freestyle along with Backstroke. Thats 200 and simply its 8  up and back. i say I think I can . BUT NOPE. he also assigns me in a team swimming. 

When It was my turn, I almost got a panic attack in the 3 laps. I had to stop, basically to breathe and think. My eyes were getting darker like I mean the water pool turn darker blue. I told my coach I can't do it and I am going to risk it, because I have anxiety. The coach gives me the disappointment look. I knew I was letting them down, But the people who were going with me to the team swim. They understood, except a girl. 

Then find out the bus is late. So I couldn't meet my best friend which I haven't seen for weeks. I tell her that I could;t meet her. I know that I haven't been able to meet up with her is either my stomach cramps and I just want to be alone. This time wasn't my fault that the bus is late. 

She gets pissed at me. I know she is should be, since I have not hang out with her and cancel with her. She says that I have been promising then breaking them . It happen three times. 

I was trying to explain myself, but I get a response like never mind, than whatever. 

I knew she was beyond pissed. I felt guilty. 

Now I feel guilty and disappointment of myself. I usually have a high self esteem, but my self esteem hit the ground HARD. I have no self-esteem hardly anymore. I am really confident person, but right now. Its gone in thin air. 

I don't know anymore. I am sorry for my rant and telling you guys my problems. 

I don't feel like myself. 

I am sorry for not keeping that image that you guys had that I am confident and happy person, which I am usually. 

I am sorry. I won't be posting anything for a while. I may read here and there thats about it. I am standing away from my social media and accounts on wattpad and quotev for the meantime. 

I have to get my act together. Until then. 

This is fare-well until I come back with my usual self.