Goner (Heath Hussar Fanfiction)

razor blades

Ivy's POV

----four days later----

Toddy still won't talk to me. I need closure at least. If him and I are never going to talk again then I'm going to need to know why. I can't go on with this pit in my stomach that grows every time I see him and he acts like I don't exist.

I still talk to him as if he isn't mad at me. I follow him around the house and have conversations to him. This morning while he was in the shower I took my makeup bag and did my makeup while he showered. I told him about Heath and I and then I asked for advice on when and how to tell Heath I was bisexual. Of course he didn't answer but I came up with an idea. I also stole his towel so when he got out he was butt naked and had to go to his room wet. Obviously that didn't make him any less mad but it was good vlog footage for David and I.

Without being able to talk to Todd it really makes me crazy. I realized how emotionally unstable I am without him. I think I need to go get help? But what will Heath say if I tell him I might have to go away for awhile.

---That night---

1:04am

Everything from the past was piling up. The quiet was killing me. I couldn't breathe and it felt like a sumo wrestler was sitting on my chest. I felt wetness on my face but I didn't feel like I was crying. This happened so much I felt numb to the situation. I just wanted to stop feeling the pain of the past. So i did the only thing I knew how. I went in my makeup bag and grabbed my sharpener and popped the blade out of it. I walked across the hall to the bathroom and as I walked in the bathroom I heard a voice say, "Hey babygirl, you okay?" That voice made me tear up because I knew what I was doing was going to hurt him.

I sat on the floor with my knees to my chest; twirling the blade between my fingers. There was a knock on the door and a soft, "Baby, please I know you're crying and you're not okay. Please talk to me." You could hear the distress and vulnerability in his voice. That made me cry even more because the number one thing I didn't want to do was hurt him.

I cut on the inside of my thighs. There was so much blood. I couldn't stop myself. I kept on cutting deeper and deeper, more and more until my vision became blurry and I could barely grip the blade. Heath was still knocking on the door cause I was still crying. I became quiet and heard Heath barge in the bathroom.

"I-Ivy, WH-WHat did you do?!?" Heath said, trying not to wake the others. I could not even look at his face.

"Babe, pl-please, look at me." He picked up the razor and put it in his pocket. That is the last thing I remember.

Heath's POV

When I finally got the key to unlock the bathroom, I walked in to see Ivy on the ground staring straight ahead with tears trickling down her face. There was blood everywhere. I couldn't pinpoint where she had cut. I picked up her razor and put it in my pocket and ran the water in the tub. I undressed her and put her in the tube washing all the blood off her body. I took drained the water from the tub and went to put my shirt on her. I carried her to my room because I knew that I could keep her safe in there until the morning. I've never dealt with this situation before so I knew that her well-being was my main focus. I lover her and I can't let her think that she's just weak and beaten down. I won't let her be gone.

I laid next to her rubbing circles on her back until she fell asleep. I barely slept that night. Man, I love her and I don't know what I would do if I lost her.