He was different to me. He made me think. He would never hurt me. He made me laugh and blush. With him I felt love. When I'm with him I feel this and more. He could be different or just like the of couple dudes before. Lately I've been getting my self in these type of situations. My mind and emotions are having a confrontation. Some how my emotions trick my mind into believing that he is the one. Maybe I should just keep my heart and emotions turned down. While them other girls comes around. Maybe I should be smooth. Don't trip, be cool, and do what he tells me to do. I know that he's gonna be all in my ear. Telling me things that I want to hear. Why do I fall for this act every the time. They always leave me and destruct my mind. My mind is telling me to snap out of his trance but my emotions are telling me to give him a chance...............................
I don't want to do this and I know it isn't right. Dark nights and fast money, I guess this is my new life. Can't trust these people they would steal the clothes from off your back. My day ones are the only ones that got my back. These my homies, they gon keep on me on track. What track is they keeping me on? The one torward success or a hole in the ground. I'm hearing noices all around. I see the drug addicts looking at the ground. They all look stressed out. Feeling their high then sometimes pass out. It's hard not to get my feelings involved. What if that drug addict was my mom? These are these things that go through my head. I can hear grandma telling me I am not the tail, I am the head. At the end of the night when I'm in my bed. I know I need to get out the game before I'm dead......................................
Girls are jealous because I have a man that they dream of. He ignores them all so it must be love. He tells me how much I'm beautiful and how he loves me too. That's just sweet talk, momma ain't raise no fool. Then again what if this love is true. After months pass kissing is boring and he wanna try something new. I'm down, if he down. He jump, I jump. That's how it is when you're deeply in love. You fufill his needs and keep him pleased. I'll do what ever so he will never leave. I am nothing without him. He is the reason why I'm happy. Friends are fake and momma ain't happy. So they, in their own way trash me. But he brings me up. He is the one I trust. I'll do whatever he wants. Til my days are gone. I swallow pride as do this sinful act in the night. I'm his Bonnie and he is my Clyde. Forever til we die...............
This is the lastnight I'm gonna do this. What was I thinking to start with. Times get hard so I'm going to take the street life? Nah, I wanna go to college, this life ain't my type. I wanna get married to a women that have respect for herself. I want to have children with her and love them until there is no love left. Being in these streets makes you have trust issues so you always watching your back. These drug addicts and Feds are whack. Some people this is all they know, these streets. To them money is money. How else you gonna take care of your family. I once felt this way. But I'm done and I put that on my grave. It's midnight and I'm done. Then I see a dude with a black hoodie on. I take off running and he follows me along. I turned the nearest corner I found, but that was just a dead end what do I do now. He was on my heels so I couldn't run and try to fight. He looked me in my eyes then shot me in the chest twice. I hold my chest as the blood came out. I tried to scream for help but no one can hear me now. This world becomes deaf when I'm yelling for someone to save my life. The world is deaf to homeless man on the corner from morning til night. The world is deaf to the woman on welfare that is struggling to raise her kids right. The world is deaf to the kids that are committing suicide because the way they seem, are different in other people's eyes. So this is my fall from my rise. I was being stupid and it cost me my life . Momma I'm sorry that you are going to bury your son. I was only trying to help you take care of the kids because I love you mom. Lil brother promise me that you will go down the right road and not the wrong one. Lil sister be smart, every guy you meet don't wanna wife you they just want some. These are the last memories that goes through my head. These rap songs got everybody thinking that being in gang or the drug game is the only way. What they don't explain is that these street mess your mind up more and more everyday. Dodging the Feds ain't a game to play. They got people spying on you, watching you, who you think is for you will give up your name. I pray that boys in my generation would use their head. Make the right choices instead. If you are in the game it will either leave you in a prison or dead..................
We didn't talk after that night. He just put on his clothes and said bye. I don't understand. He suppose be my man. Not trying to get another girl out of her pants. What happened to I love you? I guess I was just a fool. I should have listened to mind. But my emotions kept telling me that it would work this time. I admit that I cried. You would do the same if you found out that his love for you was a lie. The girls and guys at school laugh at me. He let's them torture me. What happened to I jump,you jump, if I'm down you down and if you rolling I got your back? I guess that was all an act. How did I let this boy get me off track? Atleast now I know what they want and I will never give another dude that. They will do anything for it. Jump hoops for it, run for it, even beg for it. Ladies it's time that we stand up and stop being stupid. Where did the self respect go? Being the sideline and sneaking around on the low. I'm tired of seeing young girls misrepresenting. But have the nerve to get mad when people make assumptions. When all it's doing is making you look like, you wasn't raised right. We are all gonna make mistakes. That's apart of life. Teenagers pop mollies and drink all day. They think that to be cool that's the only way. Nah, if you graduate highschool then you'll be cool. If you'll go to college and make something good out of your life then your going the right way. Don't do stupid things to fit in. Like how I thought I would be cool if I had a boyfriend then things got out of hand. Who is the one with the broken heart in the end? It's not him. It's me once again...................................
