Enjoy! ^^
It has been months since you and Saeran started dating. Being a major help to him after everything he's been through with his family and Mint Eye, you saw a different side of him that made you fall for him with no explanations. Saeran never had someone to be there for him the way you did and he eventually developed feelings. At first he wasn't too sure how he felt due to it being completely new to him, mentally, emotionally and even physically.
Saeran was afraid of any sort of physical touch and even months after understanding his deep feelings for you, he was still unable to touch you... at all. These long months you've never experience intimate moments, no kissing, no hugging, no holding hands, no physical touch whatsoever. You both even shared a separate room despite how close you've gotten with him.
There were times where he would accidentally bump his shoulder next to yours and he would quickly react by distancing himself a few inches away.
As bad as you wanted those moments, you understood. The torture.. all his physical touch has only caused him pain. It was like he was still traumatized and believed that every time someone touched him, he will experience those moments all over again.
You were trying your best. Either by slowly getting him to put his hand on yours or simply showing him the love he deserves but in a way that doesn't require any sort of touch.
But after months and months, your craving was getting the best of you. You've promised him and even yourself that you will never give in but the moment he pushed you away when you decide to be selfish and try and lean in for a kiss without warning, you knew that this whole problem was hurting you as well.
"F/n! What do you think you're doing?!!" He hollered causing you to cover your mouth in disbelief.
"I-I'm sorry Saeran.. I don't know what came up on me.." You were beyond mortified that you tried to do such move on him.
After that night, you started to be the one to keep your distance from him. You felt like you disrespected him in a rudely manner that you don't even know to even make it up to him.
You still conversed with him but it was at random. You also started to fake a smile when you were around him, just to be sure he was alright.
However, you on the other hand weren't. Your love for him was still there but it was upsetting to you that things had to be this way; from his past to it still haunting him.
You would have late night talks after Saeran was sound asleep with one of your closest friends. You would tell her everything... things you could never tell Saeran because you didn't want to show any weakness when he's the one that needs the most help.
You had no idea what to do from there and on but leaving was never an option.
One day, you were thoughtlessly just watching TV when Saeran knocked on your door.
"Hey f/n, Saeyoung is here to pick me up. I'll be back later, love you!"
"Love you too." You responded in a monotone voice and with no other thought.
He shrugged it off and just took it as if you were too into the TV show. All it took was the noise the door made to get you back to your senses.
You got up and decide to take a shower once you realized that he was gone. Usually when you showered, your mind tended to run wild and eventually led to you silently crying. It was the only place Saeran would never see you in such state.
You stood still as the steamy water came running down your body.
Your head was filled with so many thoughts and you were trying to figure out the solution but absolutely nothing came up.
You fell onto your knees, covering your eyes with your warm hands, sobbing on them.
Knowing that there was no one in the house, you cried and you did it loudly with no care since there was no one to listen to you.
But you couldn't have been more wrong.
Saeran had came back once he realized he left him phone back home. But his heart sank the moment he took a step inside the apartment.
He ran towards the restroom but stopped and for some odd reason just stood there.
Your deafening wails caused him to stay still as if they were a paralytic toxin.
He eventually grabbed his phone but not to head back out but instead to text his brother that he couldn't make it. For around 30 minutes, he sat on the other side of the bathroom door with knees up and chin residing on them as your cries echoed all around him. He didn't understand why you were shedding this much tears.
You calmed yourself down and finally stepped out the shower. You called your friend since she was really good at helping you calm down.
But this time, she just snapped.
"You're NOT okay. You're not obligated to take care of him when you're in this position as well."
"I know you don't want to leave but it's been a a little over a years and it doesn't seem like he's trying to work with it on his part. You're not 100% in charge of this, as a couple you both need to put the effort"
"You're the type of person to crave closure and affection from your significant other and working with someone that is afraid of it, it's doomed to end badly."
"Look, we both know what you want and sometimes it's okay to be selfish. I have some friends, I can introduce you to them."
Saeran felt his heart shatter into hundreds of tiny pieces hearing those words. The thought of losing you never crossed his mind and the fact that you've been hiding all of these emotions from him made him also tear up.
He then closed his eyes, anxious for your response.
"I just can't... I love him way too much."
He expected to feel a weight lift off from his shoulders from that response but it maintained itself there.
You said your goodbyes to your friend and made sure you looked okay and readied yourself to plaster that fake smile and attitude once more.
As you opened the door, the shadow that painted itself on the carpet caught your attention and caused you to gaze to where it was coming from.
It was surprising to see Saeran standing with his bangs covering his eyes.
"Oh Saeran! Back so early?" You spoke up in a completely uplifting tone.
"How long?" Keeping his head down, he asked confusing you over what exactly he was asking.
"Huh?"
"How long have you been feeling that way?" He finally lifted his head up, revealing his bloodshot eyes that were filled with tears.
"Saeran, I.." The last thing you wanted was for him to see you in your weakest shape.
"I hid so you didn't have to worry about me! You need my help and I can't fail you!" You clenched both of your fist at the side of your thighs and closed your eyes to avoid crying once again.
"Don't worry about me and my selfish needs... I'll be alright.." You responded, staying in that same position but opened your eyes and loosened up the tension in your fists. There was an unsure tone when you responded that made it clear to Saeran how everything has affected you.
He realized that you've been putting so much aside for him that it has caused you emotional pain. Now he felt like the selfish one for not trying harder to help not only himself but you too.
"Even though I'm new to this, I know this isn't how a relationship is suppose to be." He took a few steps forward and took in a deep breath.
"You've been so worried to fail on me when I'm the one who's actually failing on the person I love the most.." He then lifted his arm up and slowly, as his fingers trembled, put his hand on your cheek.
His touch was too strong for you to keep your composure and you broke down in front of him from finally getting some sort of physical touch from him.
This was the first time he has seen you in such vulnerable state and he didn't like it one bit.
You reacted by slightly tilting your head against his hand and putting your hand on top of his.
"Saeran..." You sniffed, closing your eyes once again.
It only took one second for him to feel a feeling he has never felt before.. a feeling of satisfaction through touch. Even if it was just your hand, there was a pleasurable current flowing through his veins and all over his body.
He couldn't understand why he denied someone who just wanted closure and affection from him and had no intentions to cause him any pain.
In this moment, he knew what he needed to do not only for himself but for the person he wants to be with for the rest of his life.
