The Walls I Grew Up With

The Walls

            I grew up with these four walls surrounding everything I did. They meant something special to me. I was the only one who could see them swirling around me. They were a mobile and I was in the center of it all. I was in a tornado of origami birds. I would spin in circles and let my imagination go wild as I saw them peel off the walls to dance with me, their wings flapping to the music. As I grew older they exited my mind and just became wall paper. What once was a 3D image that could touch my skin and twirl with me to the beat of my heart was now a flat, 2D design on my walls. Now that I'm older and mature enough to think about my past with a wiser perspective I see a little girl with dreams of the impossible. I wanted to be able to fly with these birds on the wall and I was certain I could.

I fell asleep faster than usual even though my stomach was churning as I thought of the day that was to come. I knew that I wouldn't have the mental stability to stay awake to finish studying, I wanted it to be over and sleeping felt like a good way to kill time. It was the last week of my Senior year final exams and I was terrified yet thrilled. I didn't know what would happen in my life after high school. I knew I couldn't fly and that was all I had planned for. If I only would have believed for longer.

I have one more week. That's the only thought that coursed through my mind as I heard the constant beeping of the metal detectors at the entrance of my school. Most schools don't have that struggle but in the city, it's become a social norm. I had gotten used to walking through the metal detectors every morning and it's one of the several strange things that I miss about my school. I slowly began to freak out about my classes and how my chance of graduating with honors was in danger. So many thoughts were pulsing through my mind until I saw him. He didn't know me or at least I assumed he didn't. I'm the kind of girl who got straight A's and didn't socialize one bit. I hadn't been to a party in my 4 years of high school and I didn't expect college to be much different. I've crushed on him since I was in 6th grade. His name is Christopher Reynolds. He's lived down the street from me since we were born and we were close when we were younger but we grew apart as the years went by and I wasn't sure if he wanted to know my name anymore. I consider him my first love but as soon as he asked Rachel Bradley to prom I knew that I had no chance. Once again another dream from my imagination disappeared. Rachel was the opposite of me, she partied hard enough for the both of us. She never had to worry about whether or not the guy she liked would notice her because she had every boy following her smell as if they were a pack of dogs.

All of the thoughts cleared my mind as I entered my first class. My mind was fixated on school and what I wanted to accomplish. I didn't care about anything besides my scores and that's how I intended for the rest of the school year to be. I needed to stay focused, no matter what happened to Christopher or Rachel or anyone, all I cared about was myself. They didn't distract me then so they couldn't distract me now.

The days passed and it was finally the last morning of my high school career. High school slowly ripped me apart and on the last day I was stripped of the last thread of my being. I was almost done and that's the only encouragement I gave myself. After the last thread was shredded I didn't have to worry about the elaborate patterns that everyone thought I was. I was finally allowed to make my own designs and find out who I wanted to be.

I got home from school, my last day of suffering. As I was lying down to nap in celebration of my success I heard a rip. I chose to ignore it because my face was angled perfectly to feel the summer breeze blowing through my window and I closed my eyes. Moments later my doorbell rang and I was forced to get up and answer. I ran down the stairs hoping it would have been someone who would be ok with a quick transaction so I could get back to my nap. As I opened the door my face became red and my eyes started to sparkle. I came to realization of the person standing in front of me. I saw his lips forming words, slowly opening and closing but I didn't hear what the words were. It all seemed so surreal. He didn't look very concerned yet he talked with some sort of urgency. He began to speak faster as I saw a feather float down from above. The moment I began to become concerned is when I caught a glimpse of something shoot out of my window. I apologized to him quickly as I sprinted up the stairs not seeing my feet hit the steps in order to see what was happening. I knew there was no one in my room, no one even in my house. He followed me upstairs after seeing the concern in my eyes and I assumed he was curious of what I ran away from him for. I ran to my room as fast as possible and he came running after me. By the time I made it to my room I was bright red and I had broken a sweat just running up the stairs. I was already in my room with my jaw dropped to the floor as he walked in. We stood there next to each other without a word coming to mind. We didn't know what was happening, it was either a miracle or witchcraft. I began to move slightly when my head decided to turn and observe my surroundings. It was amazing the birds were whirling around us as I had seen when I was a kid. We looked at each other and had nothing to say. My mind was blown and from the expression Christopher had on his face, with his eyes wide, eyebrows high and mouth opened, his mind had officially exploded.

For days I didn't say anything but Christopher seemed extremely interested in what had occurred. For the first time in my life I was blocking messages and calls from a guy. He didn't stop so I finally agreed to have dinner to talk about the birds. I had a date with my first true love and I was dreading it. I had him plan the "date" so that it would only be a few weeks before I left for college. I was hoping for it to be short and sweet, I didn't want to talk about the birds I just wanted to forget about it. We didn't even talk about the birds that used to be on my wall paper. We talked for hours until I finally got tired enough to say something. He walked me home and somehow by the time I walked in the door of my house I already planned another "date" with Chris. Chris is different, when I see him my heart turns into putty and my mind becomes nonsensical.

The next weeks were the most enjoyable weeks of my life. Spending my time with Chris made me relaxed and not such an uptight know it all. As the days of my summer came to an end Chris and I developed the friendship that we used to have. It was the day of my departure to college and all chaos broke loose in my house hold. My dad's car broke down and my mother got stuck at work. As I was prepared to buy a train ticket to my college town Chris came knocking on my door. He always seemed to come at the worst times. Yet this time was different he was like an angel sent from heaven. Maybe he was my guardian angel because he always seemed to know how to help. He drove me up to my new temporary home and I was so grateful. No one had ever been that nice to me. He was even kind enough to help me carry my boxes to my room. He walked up the stairs faster than me and found my dorm room. When I had finally caught up, I saw him with amazement in his eyes. I walked into my dorm room and fell to the ground. The shock of what I saw had emotionally broken me. He got down on the floor with me and by the time I finished crying and the tears cleared my eyes I fully inspected my dorm. The room started to circle me with my imagination going wild. The rooms wall paper was covered in birds. Each one of the birds had a different effect on me. My heart was open and as soon as I saw their wings I knew who I was. The threads that high school ripped away from my pattern where woven back together. High school tore me apart and made me think I wasn't who I should have been. As I sat there in the silence with Christopher he leaned in towards me and whispered "It all began when someone left the window open." At that very moment I knew that we had started a new adventure. An adventure that would make my pattern thrive instead of flourish. He understood the little girl who only believed in flying.