Carmen - H.S

Chapter 1

ok so this is another new story that I'm starting. It's an AU. I've never written a full length one before, so we'll see how it goes. It's also based off of the Lana del Rey song with the same name because Lana is queen and I love that song. PLS LISTEN TO IT IT'S MY LIFE.

The first chapter isn't very good, and I know it's short, but just give it a try. Adios and happy reading!

It was dark - black, really. Blacker than the ashes that fell from her cigarette; blacker than the hair that cascaded down her shoulders, somehow still shiny in the dead of a dull night. The darkness was a physical presence, bigger than anything in the room. It pressed on her shoulders, stifling her, suffocating her. Standing suddenly, she paid no mind to the resulting creak of the slippery, leather couch.

She took a long drag of her cigarette and closed her eyes. She wasn't sure why. Nothing changed; it was all the same, whether her eyes were open or not. The darkness was suffocating, but it was unfailingly constant. It had become the only thing she could rely on. She could feel the smoke sitting heavily in her lungs, circulating through her body, infusing with her blood, becoming the air she needed to breathe.

She breathed out and imagined the smoke curling into long tendrils, slowly and languidly, as it had so many times before. It was beautiful in a way, surreal and fascinating. Suddenly, she wished she could see it. She wanted to watch the smoke fade away, melting into the air, disappearing as she wished she could do.

But she could never just ebb away like that, so gently, so quickly, you wouldn't even know it happened. Everything she did was loud, pronounced, crystal clear, too forceful. Disappearing was easier to fantasize about than actually carrying out. So she'd settle for looking on as the smoke she created stole her dreams, giggling spitefully as it floated away.

In the slow blink of an eye, the peace was disrupted. The door opened, and light flooded in, partially chasing the familiar darkness away. She blinked rapidly in annoyance and blew out more smoke. It was only visible in snatches, wisps mingling with particles of dust.

"Carmen?" Lucy stepped in, waving a tanned hand in front of her face. She reached out for the light switch and flicked it on. Now the room was filled with light, all traces of black abruptly banished.

"What are you doing?" Like always, disdain tinted her words.

Carmen sighed heavily, discreetly snuffing out her cigarette, before pasting on a fake smile. "Nothing," she chirped, her voice overly bright and dripping with sugar.

"You're smoking," she stated flatly. "Again."

She smiled innocently in reply and tried to look small and blameless.

"I don't have to tell you how bad that is for you," Lucy scolded, stepping over empty beer bottles to cross the room and sit on the couch beside her. It dipped down as her body came into contact with it. It was out of balance now, uneven and crooked. For some reason, it deeply disturbed Carmen.

"Not to mention illegal," she added, shaking her head. Her long tresses whipped around her head. "And why is it so dirty in here?"

"It's just a little mess," Carmen intoned in a saccharine voice. "I'll clean it up later.

"You know I hate messes." Lucy winced and glanced around the tiny room. In obvious displeasure, her eyes landed on the bottles strewn across the floor, the indistinguishable liquid seeping into the carpet, and the various bits of plastic and trash that dotted the floor.

"Well, luckily it's not your house. So you don't have to worry about it." She stared down at Lucy, eyes wide and unblinking. Lucy stared back, and her own eyes were steely and intense. But eventually, she looked down and focused her gaze on her hands, which had started to shake slightly.

"Where'd Danny go?" Lucy asked quietly. Surprisingly, her voice didn't tremble.

"His name is Daniel." Carmen rolled her eyes and huffed. "He hates that nickname."

She held up her hands in surrender. "All right, all right. So where is he?"

Now, she shrugged, truly ignorant of that information. "He left a while ago." At least, she assumed he had. The night had been a blur, especially her time with Daniel, but nothing was new there. Whenever she tried to recall their evenings together, all she could come up with was faint flashes of memory: his hand snaking up her thigh, his booming laughter, the blue emblem of the beer he seemed to prefer. All blurred in a haze of smoke.

"Oh. So you've just been sitting here alone in the dark the whole time."

"Pretty much."

Lucy leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and rubbing her eyes vigorously. She had to move on to a different topic before she went mad. "You have a meeting with Ron in four hours."

She wrinkled her nose in distaste. "I think I'll skip that."

"No, Carmen," Lucy said through gritted teeth. Her voice sounded tired and thin, like elastic that had been stretched too far. "He's your manager. You have to go."

"I just came back from tour. The last thing I want to do is more work."

"It's not work. It's just a meeting."

"Talking to Ron is always work." She laughed lightly, looking at Lucy as if she expected her to be in on the joke. She wasn't. She never was.

"You know, Lucy," she began. Her voice was hypnotic. "You don't need to try to be my mother. That job is already filled."

"I'm just trying to give you some help, and God knows you need it."

Two deep breaths in quick succession. She was trying not to lose her temper. "I am fully capable of taking care of myself."

"Really?" Lucy gestured doubtfully to the entire room, solid evidence of her failures in responsibility.

"I'm not a kid."

"You can't even vote yet!"

"Why don't you just go home?" Carmen hissed, suddenly irritated. Her voice was now sharp and biting, stripped of all traces of sweetness. "I don't want you here, and I know you don't want to be here."

Hurt flashed across her face, and Carmen could tell how deep it ran. She felt a twinge of remorse inside, but it quickly disappeared, swallowed up by the darkness she'd placed within herself. They were both silent for what seemed like eons, yet only lasted a couple seconds.

"Get some sleep. I'll wake you up in a bit, so you can get ready." Then she was gone, shutting the door firmly, but leaving the glaring light on.

Carmen plopped down onto the couch, filling the void her sister's absence had created. The already small room felt miniature as she sat there. It was like Lucy had taken some of the scarce space with her, easily hoisting it onto her shoulders and slipping away. It made her almost angry, as if something had actually been stolen from her. She should've seen it coming, but now it was too late, and she was left with nothing, alone and oddly bitter. How strange that life was often the same way.