That Smile

Joseph

The pendulum encased inside an old grandfather clock swung back and forth with disturbing ease, taunting me almost. I followed it with my eyes, never letting my gaze waver or my concentration break.

Left.

And right.

Left again.

And right again.

"Why do you do this?" I heard a weak voice ask from behind me. I smiled to myself. I didn't need to turn around to address what was lying on the floor in the corner, slumped like a pathetic animal. It didn't understand what it had done wrong- running from me, distrusting me after years of devotion that I never received. Although I suppose I couldn't exactly call it devotion- that would imply that I cared for what was wasting away before my very eyes. I could gladly sit back, relax and watch- but the simplicity of it bored me to a tiresome yawn.

"I didn't feel like going to get ice cream today." I replied. I had tried every single flavour that Ben and Jerry's had to offer, therefore I decided it was time to tick another thing off of my list. I glanced at the clock again. Six fifty-nine. Almost time.

I had to do this-there was no question about it. Who was I if I couldn't live up to who I was raised to be? What was I, if I were to fail at this one thing? To ponder over what was right and wrong was equivalent to the angels on the head of a pin. The stolen words of my father, his secret uncovered in the dead of night by a boy no older than seven, whispered almost soundlessly for only my mother's ears. Want and need become the same thing if you let the world drive you crazy enough. A thud. A cry. A lifetime of excuses.

Seven o'clock. Another mitigation to easily slip off of my tongue. A learned habit so hard to break.

I stood up, pivoting slowly until my eyes rested on the quivering figure below me. The prospect of the sun rising with one less person watching in awe as the sun bled over the cities caused my face to creep into a smile. I glanced at the clock again. It was time.

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