⠀⠀"Chanyeol, aren't you coming in?" Junmyeon asked with worry practically etched on his face, among other things. The Park in question had been sitting perfectly still in the van both during the ride back from the company building and while the driver and all of the other members piled out, his head in his large hands. Chanyeol jerked up, his brown hair messily tussled and his eyes wide and bleary. Smiling brightly, he made shooing gestures towards the staircase leading up to the main lobby of the dorm building from the parking garage.
⠀⠀"Don't worry about me, hyung. I'll get out in the second," Chanyeol reassured.
⠀⠀Sehun poked his head back into the car, his brows drawn together tightly. He adjusted the bill of his SnapBack to see Chanyeol clearly and attempted to discern whatever his best friend was thinking. With a deep frown, he said, "You sure, Chanyeollie?" He was deeply concerned for his childhood friend. It was simply totally abnormal that Chanyeol would be so quiet. Granted, all of the members were tired after a long schedule, but Sehun had rarely, if ever, seen Chanyeol so silent. Chanyeol nodded once and flashed the youngest a toothy grin, though Sehun noted it seemed a bit strained.
⠀⠀"Of course," the tallest male said cheerfully. "I'm Vitamin C, remember? Always happy. I'll meet you guys in there in a second, just need to finish something else."
⠀⠀A sigh from Sehun and Junmyeon. "Fine. Get to bed as soon as you get in the dorm, alright?" Junmyeon asked tiredly with a yawn tacked onto the end of his sentence. One more nod from Chanyeol, and the two followed the other members up into the main lobby of the apartment building.
⠀⠀Chanyeol slid the van door shut and allowed the ceiling lights to automatically turn off. He waited a second before looking out the window. They were gone—disappeared into the building and eventually into the dorm. There, they would wash up, change into pajamas or strip to their underwear, then collapse into their beds into sleep. Chanyeol would be here in the van, completely alone.
⠀⠀Finally.
⠀⠀There were a few moments where Chanyeol simply closed his eyes. He was so tired. Exhausted. Weary. His head swam with hundreds of thoughts—some of which he couldn't quite decipher, some he could read as clear as day—ones that had been forcibly pushed to the back of the arcane crypts of his mind until now.
⠀⠀So, so tired.
⠀⠀Tired of smiling. Tired of being a mood maker. Tired of being so fucking happy.
⠀⠀Chanyeol's cheeks were sore from smiling so widely all of the damn time. They had filmed something earlier in the day, and Chanyeol had flashed his pearly whites in false happiness for so long that his the corners of his mouth began to twitch half way, nearly giving him away. He might've been smiling, laughing, even, but his mind was far, far away from the studio set. His head was back in his bed, or his tiny studio—not in the set where Baekhyun was showing off his flexibility or Jongdae was dissing Junmyeon's sense of humor.
⠀⠀Tired.
⠀⠀Tired of pretending that he was a happy-go-lucky soul all of the times. Tired of acting like nothing in the world could get him down. Tired of being the happy virus everyone expected him to be. Truthfully, all Chanyeol wanted was to curl up and sleep all of his worries away, but those same devilish thoughts nagged at him to the point that he couldn't fall into the awaiting arms of sleep until dawn.
⠀⠀Tired.
⠀⠀He was stressed. Any day could be their last day as a group. Any day, his dream could go down in a fiery blaze. Would today be that day? Would tomorrow be that day? Do fans still like their music? How long will it take for their fame and recognition to slowly ebb away, like water dripping down a drain? How long until his fans—some of the most important people in his life—begin to push him into their distant youth as they grow up? He physically felt a shiver run down his spine, like God himself had poured a freezing glass of liquid reality down his back. It was a terrifying thing to even fathom.
