Attention seeking and who were are from it.

Honestly speaking..I have no idea what I want to write.

I mean, so much is going on inside my head, but I just dont know from where to start from.

However, the urge to be heard is so strong that I cant stop myself from writing as well as sharing it with others.

And to my luck, an entertainting incident happened at college,  a few days ago.Since the seniors at our college are kind'a weird and tend to do things to get 'prominent' in weird ways.

Now, Im not judging them or anything.I would never do that.Because I strongly believe in, ' there lies a reason behind every freakin act' phenomenom.

It was lunch time and as usual, everyone was gathered in the canteen and elsewhere with their group of friends.

I, ofcourse have a nice group of friends myself, with whom I spend my time during college hours.We were headed to the canteen, after attending Education class.We bought some snacks and walked out of the people filled, suffocating place to sit in the sun.We were busy talking when suddenly we heard wierd, loud noises coming from behind.We ignored at first, but then someone called my name so we had to walk upto whoever she was, who called us.

'Bechari ko paisay de do,' a 14th grader demanded as we walked passed them.

I laughed at the absurdity of her sentence.Although, my smile faded as I turned to look at them.

There were total 6 of them who formed a circle around this weird looking girl, who was sitting in such a manner that her her legs were on teh table, and she ACTUALLY looked abnormal.

She had tied a muffler around her thigh, a glove on her foot and was pretending to be a begger.

I literally froze with surprise.I was like 'WTF'.I stood there staring at her for a few seconds, till she called me again with this annoying moan that I felt like I was standing in the middle of 'landa bazar'.I looked at my friend, who'd have started abusing the 'begger girl' any minute  if my other friend didnt pull her out of there.

The girl called me again.I gave her a smile, before she could say anything to me and left with my friends.

As we reached our usual place of sitting, my friend started complaining about the begger girl's attitude.She went on and on about 'This is an educational institute and that girl has no rigth to act that way' and so on..

Now, most of you might be thinking 'what is her problem? It's something so insignificant to take notice of, or discuss about'.

But for me, it's not.I had things that I thought about and wanted to make sense out of, after wintnessing what I did.

Observance; I always found it as 'my' key element to understanding things around me.

Sounds funny.No? I mean, isnt it absurd that I 'feel' that way, when it's a fact.

Arn't we taught that the more observant we are, the more we get to learn about our surroundings and the events that take place, make more sense.

Anyway, I gave it some thought and it struck me.

Eurika!! 'Attention seeking' it was.

I felt so confused I didnt know how to react.

I mean, why do people do it? I turned around to look at the begger girl again.I laughed as I saw her though.She sure was enjoying herself.And for some odd reason, her ejoyment felt  enjoyable to me too.Then, I turned to my friend, who was still bitter about the 'behaviour' thing.

I thought about it and laughed.Looked at her, and laughed again.

And then thought on it more and more...

So recently, 'attention seeking' has been haunting me like crazy.

Infact, I've been an insomniac for the past few weeks.

Well, to be more fair, I have been one for many years; but this 'ability' seems to grow if something unignorably interesting or vexing, comes up.

I talked to my psychology teacher about it and she said 'complexity' is the core of it.

I was really confused.

Blaming it on one word made it sound so...simple.As much as I admire simplicity, it made things complicated for me to continue noticing with.

I put in some more thought to it and certain 'personality disorders came up'.

'Not setreotype, but original'; 'being yourself'; 'dont do what everyone else does' ... andd the never-ending list of such sentences also came up.

Yeah... that made things even more complex for me to work on.

Certain events came up in my mind, and I, myself started feeling like I was an attention seeker.

I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself if I was one or not.

And that, ofcourse, didnt work out either.I mean, what would my ordinary reflection tell me?

I shook my head and decided to get some sleep.

I laid musing at the roof for some time.

Nope.No sleep nor any answer came to me.

I got up to check what time it was.Surprisingly, 3am.

'Wow! What a wastage of time', I thought as I opened my laptop, went through the folders and played 'Dear God' by XTC, from 'The Perks Of Being A Wallflower'; A movie.An insanely thought provoking and beautiful one.

I was listening to the song, when suddenly I remembered a dialouge from the movie.

Charlie, the main charachter had said 'We accept the love, we think we deserve'.

'Love'.'Accept' and 'Deserve'.

There was a whirlpool of thoughts in my mind as I thought of it and concluded that 'attention seeking' is an act of 'self acceptance'.

Now, I'm sure what Im writing dosnt make sense to you.

Maybe it would, but the way I connected things and made sense out of them probably confused you.Or manybe not.

The thought of  whatlevels people can go to just to be accepted in this society to be a 'prominent' member of it, shook me.

Not like it was something new, but the thing is; tat sometimes we know all the answers.

We live every moment depending on them, but in reality we havnt even accepted them.

The same thing had happened to me.I lived on the idea that 'we all want to be accepted by the world' and whatnot, but it's absurd to think of the acts we do wanting to make it come true.

It made me sad.Very sad.I mean, why cant we all just be ourselves and learn to accept eachother that way too? I would be nice, you know.

Living in a world, where people ACTUALLY like eachother.But then again, the world isn't perfect and all these things Im typing associate with 'perfection'...

But dosnt perfection demand 'aceptance' too? And vice versa.

We, as humans become such cruel people that we start doing things that we dont realize conequenes of.We start expiriencing things, that dont make sense.

All for being accepted? Weird.

Or maybe not? It's more fascinating than weird.

Yeah..it is.

Tsk.

I confused all over Hahaha! How funny..for something called 'understanding'.

Yea.That's what Im trying to learn.But then, what happened to 'acceptance'? Arnt these two associated with one another?

I guess I'll have to start all over again....