LeviXPetra (Attack on Titan)~ Lifeless

Petra’s first impression of Levi was what drew her to him: the way he acted so nonchalant, his face in a permanent frown, and the way he took care of his squad, though Petra knew he’d never show his real soft side. Petra Ral thought Levi was the coolest guy in the entire squad.

And he was a very talented soldier too. He could fight faster than lightning, and he was strong. It didn’t matter that he was short for men his age. Levi was the most agile and quick. Petra’s heart pounded with excitement and admiration whenever she watched him battle. She loved the adrenaline rush whenever they were together.

She loved him with all her heart. Petra did whatever little things she could to take care of him and their squad. She wanted to protect him more than she wanted to protect herself. Levi meant everything to her. Maybe in the back of her mind she knew how foolish it was to care about someone else’s well-being than her very own. But she didn’t care. She wanted Levi to look at her and say how proud he was of her.

“I want the Corporal to look me in the eyes and say: ‘I’m proud of you, Petra Ral. You’re a skilled soldier!’ That would make me the most happy!”

She also yearned to see Levi smile. Could anyone truly be happy in this horrid world full of fear and death? She wanted Levi to smile, even if he didn’t smile at her. She would never get to see the sight.

No one could smile anymore.

Petra didn’t have time to think of anything else. The moment the female Titan smashed her into a tree, a single name rang in her mind louder than any church bell: Levi.

I’m sorry, she thought, using her last breaths of life to think about him. I failed you. I didn’t want things to end this way. I’ll never get to hear you say you’re proud of me. I’ll never see you smile.

She sat there against the tree, bleeding out a waterfall. She didn’t feel any pain. She felt a stream of tears roll down one cheek, her eyes slowly fading into a blank stare. I’m sorry, Levi.

Levi glanced down at Petra’s dead body as he flew past on his 3D maneuver gear. He grew colder than ice. It couldn’t be. So many have died, but did it have to be Petra? The innocent woman who cared about everyone in her squad?

His eyes narrowed, trying to suppress any emotion he might show. Not now, he shouted at himself. He needed to be strong for the rest of his surviving men.

Later, Levi stood there in front of the many dead bodies of men. He recognized Petra’s pale hand and crouched down to look at her sheet-covered and lifeless body. He couldn’t cry. He held it in with all his might. He was stronger than that. He could mourn for his lost soldiers by being stronger than ever. He didn’t even allow his eyes to water. He had to remind himself that the world goes on even without humans. He would go on without his comrades…and without Petra Ral.

He didn’t want this to be the end for Petra. He was determined to keep her spirit alive. He uncovered the sheet to reveal her uniform. With emotionless eyes, he tore off her patch. This would be the only thing left of her. He put the patch to his lips and whispered, “I’m proud of you, Petra Ral.”

He was sure no one would have heard him.

Levi didn’t deserve to see her die a second time. Not only did he have to save Eren, but he had to loose Petra…again. She was already gone, but her dead body? Her once beautifully full of life body? It was lifeless, pale, cold…Nothing was the same about her. He knew what it meant to have to abandon all the dead bodies, but seeing Petra roll onto the ground, seeing her lifeless face once more…It was too much.

Levi also didn’t deserve to hear how desperate Petra’s father was to convince himself that she was alive. She didn’t have to experience anything anymore. She was dead, God damn it! DEAD!

The more frustrated Levi got as Petra’s father rambled on about her admiration for him, the more stone cold deadpan Levi’s face grew. He didn’t want to hear it.

Levi knew she had loved him. He knew she had looked up to him. He knew she had done all those kind things just to get his attention, even just for a little tiny moment. He knew she had admired him with all her heart…He chose her for the squad, didn’t he? She had potential, and she was only just beginning to show him how much her skills were worth. But now she’s gone. Never to be able to fight, get married, have children, grow old, live in peace or rest.

None of that was possible anymore…as if it was possible in the first place.

Nothing good was ever possible for anyone. The only positive? The remaining soldiers were still breathing and alive.

Levi thought of how he wished he could have known the outcome. He wanted to know how this whole thing ended. He just wanted to know so he could be the one to end it all. No more Titans, no more living in fear, no more deaths. It just wasn’t possible.

Levi got off his horse and walked away from everyone. He wanted to be alone. He left the horse in care of somebody, and limped away into an empty house. There was so much crying, wailing, yelling, and angry noises out there. He didn’t want to hear any more about how he failed his fellow soldiers. The harsh truth was that people die, and there’s nothing you can do about it expect mourn for them and cry.

Was there ever a time in his life were Levi had smiled? Did he know how it felt to feel carefree and happy? Was he ever happy?

Levi limped further inside the house. When he came to a wall, he stopped. He hated this world. Why did things have to be so hard? Loosing loved ones, living in consent fear. Who cares if there weren’t Titans for a period of time? They were still around somewhere…and humans still lived inside walls like pigs for slaughter.

Levi made a tight fist, his nails pressing hard against the skin of his hand. He let out an angry growl and slammed his fist to the wooden wall. Damn it all!

Before he realized it, he found that he began crying. Tears streamed down both cheeks and they did not stop. He didn’t have the strength to hold them in any longer. He was alone, and he finally could cry.

Damn it, damn it, damn it, he thought over and over. He began wailing and sniffling. This hadn’t been the first time he’d done this. But it has been a while. Did it really take the death of a kind woman like Petra to get him to finally cry? Cry over how life was short and fragile, and no matter how hard he or his comrades tried, there would be no end to the bloodshed?

He shook his head. No, their lives weren’t wasted! None of this is a lost cause!

Levi lifted up his head and burned a hole in the wall with his determined glare. They fought for humanity’s right to live!

That thought alone kept Levi going.

The door creaked open. “Corporal Levi?” A soldier called.

Levi didn’t have time to wipe his eyes, “Yes. I will be there soon enough.”

Levi heard the door close. He didn’t need to hear the soldier tell him he needed to be outside with everyone else. He knew already.

He wiped the dreaded tears away and relaxed once more.

What would Petra be doing if she were alive? Levi thought about the possibilities as he left the wooden house. She would definitely be talking with her father right now. She would have already been by his side as her father walked over to Levi, and gushed about how much Petra looked up to him. Levi wanted to smile at the thought of Petra trying to quiet her father and wave him away. But Levi didn’t smile. Just thoughts alone weren’t reason enough to smile for Petra.

He should have smiled for her when she was alive.

That would have made her smile too.