Pulling Through (PruCan) [Under Editing]

CH 6: Self riddance (edited)

"No Gilbert stop it!!" Matthew cried out with tears in his eyes as he pushed Gilbert off of him. "Stop it!" he pulled the covers over his bare body and backed into a corner with fear filled eyes. "...why..." he looked at Gilbert who had soon backed away from him with a guilt stricken look on his face.

Gilbert shook his head, his mind was fuzzy with clouded thoughts. He could still feel Elizabeta's skin against his own it was like an annoying stain that wouldn't go away no matter how hard you scrubbed. He remembered the day he returned, he took a total of three showers and scrubbed himself down till his pale skin was a swollen pink.

But now, he wallowed in self hatred and guilt seeing how Matthew trembled fearfully. "Matthew..I..I'm sorry.." he stumbled back almost tripping over his own feet. When had he done this? He didn't even remember pinning Matthew to the bed and then....

He leaned against the closed door and slid to the ground covering his face with his hands but then pulling on his hair nearly tearing out clumps of his white hair. Matthew took notice of how bewildered Gilbert was and reluctantly crawled over to the edge of the bed to fully look at his boyfriends now crumpled and broken state. "G-Gilbert?.." he stammered out to him.

With shaky steps he went over to Gilbert and slightly patted his shoulder with trembling hands, Gilbert flinched away from his touch. "Matthew, I..I slept with someone." He stuttered out. Matthew felt a pang at his chest. "You what?" he asked. "I'm so sorry! We both got drunk and...oh God Matthew I feel so..so dirty! I'm disgusting!" Gilbert felt tears gush from his eyes and dripped from his chin.

Matthew kneeled to the ground and took Gilbert's face in his small pale hands, he forced him to look up and was met with tear filled eyes "Gilbert...you were drunk?" he asked quietly, Gilbert ferociously nodded still letting his tears fall, pain was written on his flushed face. Matthew sighed somewhat in relief and pressed his forehead against his lover's. "Calm down Gil...take deep breaths." He instructed with his quiet voice.

Gilbert took long and slow shaky breathes. "Come on, in and out...in...out..." Gilbert matched his breathing with Matthew's own and eventually evened out his breathing. "I'm so sorry Matthew." He apologized and muttered his apology over and over under his breath once again losing himself with self hatred. Matthew worriedly gripped onto Gilbert's shoulders. "Stay with me Gilbert, please." He pleaded anxiously, the blanket that was wrapped around him fell off his shoulders.

Gilbert looked at Matthew and reminded himself that Matthew relied on him, he pulled him into a hug and hid his face against Matthew's bare shoulder. Matthew shuddered at how warm Gilbert's face was against his shoulder. "I know it must've been an accident, people tend to do stupid stuff when they're drunk." He explained in a quiet voice.

Gilbert took another shaky breath and rested his hand on Matthew's back, he could feel his spine through the thin blanket thrown over his body. Gilbert pulled away and looked at Matthew with dull eyes. "Let's get you dressed Matthew." He shakily stood bringing Matthew up with him and searched for his clothes, he found them strewn on the ground and handed them to him with shaking hands.

Matthew took ahold of Gilberts hand. "Gilbert I'm okay, really I am." He reassured in a soothing tone and gave him a small smile. "I'm not hurt nor am I scared of you. I'm not upset either." He tried so much to cheer his distressed lover up but his smile faltered when Gilbert avoided his gaze and stated down at the ground. "Please Gilbert...I need you." He whimpered.

Gilbert didn't respond, Matthew reluctantly released his hands and trudged to the bathroom leaving the door open a bit to keep an eye on Gilbert and quickly changed back into his clothes. Once dressed he went back to Gilbert and grasped onto his arm tugging it softly. "Gilbert please." he desperately called out to him. "I-I don't care what happened, I just want you to be okay." His voice broke as tears filled his eyes. "Please, I can't lose you too Gilbert...I don't want to lose you!" He exclaimed.