Vibrant Grays

The Color of Mourning

All Elsa ever sees, the moment she almost killed Anna, is gray.

She was seven and Anna was four. They were playing on their backyard when Elsa pushed her younger sister too hard on the swing and she was forced to watch as Anna floated on the air for a second before returning on the ground with a loud crack. Elsa, immobile, stared at Anna's limp body and tried to see if there was a moving in the chest area. There was, Elsa knew, but the next thing she saw, Anna's hair turned the color gray and then everything else followed.

Their father carried Anna to their car while Elsa was comforted by their mother. Elsa cried, frantically looking everywhere. Her sapphire eyes were met with a dull gray, a few shades lighter, a few shades darker.

Elsa was sure it was all a nightmare.

A week later, Anna was allowed to go home. She had a few broken bones and one big bruise on her head but she was as cheerful as ever. She didn't blame Elsa, but the older sister blamed herself.

Anna made it a point that nothing would change between the two. She drew a picture of Elsa sporting her braid and a dress. There were snow around her and a snowman was drawn on the side.

"It's pretty," Elsa said, sobbing softly.

When Anna left with a smile, Elsa looked at the messy table the former left and picked up the crayons. She read them on her mind, blue was lighter than brown, but black was the darkest of all of them. The grays were looking different now. She was getting used to it. She scattered the 16 crayons on the table and read their labels repeatedly. She memorized their shades of gray, her mind warping on the idea of a gray world.

The next week, Elsa could differentiate the 16 colors in a heartbeat.
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It's Anna's 17th birthday. Elsa knows that to Anna, 18 is only a leap away. But she doesn't want her to grow up too fast. Elsa is a constant song while Anna is too upbeat and changing.

However, Elsa still wants to make Anna happy so she treats the birthday girl to a movie and an art museum. Anna likes to paint, no, she loves to paint. She participates on contests every time she can. Elsa supports her, watching as Anna paint with bright neon colors (Anna's favorite colors) without telling her sister that they all look gray to her.

Gray. Gray is simply one color. But to Elsa, it's her world. The sky is a light gray while the soil is a dark one. Anna's skin is a bit darker than her own skin, just a bit. Elsa's hair is white, the lightest shade of gray. Pastel colors are hard to separate at times. They have a common coolness to it, it took Elsa three days to master those colors.

"No black and white films, all right?" Anna asks, laughing. She's a ray of sunlight everyday but she seems to glow more today.

Elsa nods, smiling. "You pick today." She doesn't complain about anything. Anna doesn't need to know that she likes black and white films because those are the two easiest colors to distinguish.

Their town's theater has four movies available. Two foreign films, one Indie and one Hollywood movie. Naturally, Anna picks the Hollywood romance chick flick. Elsa almost whines, almost. She doesn't like films about undying love or whatever that has something to do about forever.

Still, Elsa lets Anna keep her choice. They watch the movie together, though Elsa's fighting to open her phone and play a game. An hour later, the lead actor says, "My whole life is simply... colorless without you."

Anna sniffles beside Elsa, along with dozens of teenage girls. Elsa admits that she doesn't know anything past the first 12 minutes but she remembers that line.

"My whole life is simply... colorless without you."

Elsa darkly chuckles. Her life has been grays for years and she has only told her parents about that, side note, those parents are dead. They've been alone for three years now. A car crash took their lives, normal to say since car crashes happen all the time, but it doesn't make anything less heartbreaking. She knows that her 'soulmate' won't change a thing about it.

Elsa thinks, just as they are in the middle of their art tour, that her life isn't colorless. After all, gray is a color.
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Elsa, for years, wanted to know why she became color blind. Why everything is gray. When she was 10, she stayed up all night doing those color tests and researching about it. Maybe she inherited it, maybe. Her mother was telling them the other day that she had a relative that was color blind. Does that work that way?

Her parents didn't want Anna to know about Elsa's condition. It would affect Anna more than Elsa, they said. They couldn't bear to wacth their two daughters having the weight of one's sickness.

They home schooled Elsa for the first few years, until she adapted with her new world. Elsa was a fast learner and in a week, she could color normally. They had a special tutor that came three times a week. Her name was Belle T. Gold, she was a kind woman with a soft voice.

"It'll be alright," Belle said. "You're going to get used to a gray world."

Elsa did. She was 12 when they let her return to school once more. Anna was happy at the news, she had a big sister to protect her. However, Elsa was practically like a ghost to everyone at the school. She didn't eat on the cafeteria, opting for the bathroom or not eating at all. She didn't raise her hand, their teacher barely saw her from her corner seat.

"Does she have any problems, Mrs. Arendelle?" The teacher asked.

"None. Our Elsa is just shy. She was home schooled before, she needs to get warmed up before she starts to talk more."

Elsa still didn't open up. Her classmates were all gray to her, all their unique different styles. Razelle was the first friend Elsa made. She was a light gray with a blinding smile.

"I have a problem with colors," Elsa blurted out on high school graduation.

"What do you mean?" Razelle looked at her innocently.

Elsa almost revealed the truth but then, she thought it was unfair that Razelle would know while Anna didn't. Instead, she lied, "I like making my paintings with white and black. And gray."

"I know, Elsa. I saw your sketches and finished paintings. They're pretty but the color... Anna likes bright and vivid colors... you two are total opposites."

Elsa smiles because her words were stuck between her throat. "I'm color blind," she wanted to say. "Everything seems gray to me."

Curiously, a few weeks after Anna's 17th birthday, Elsa sees a crystal-like color: blue.
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