on thin ice [karen/frank - marvel]

thirty nine: you never called me

[trigger warning: strong depictions of drug abuse]

Frank took a shower after the meal, staying in there for as long as he possibly could. The others watched a movie in the huge living room that he was yet to explore but he excused himself about 15 minutes in.

He tried making a mental list of things to do as he showered once he had got out but his mind kept focusing on the pain circulating through his body. It just about drove him insane sitting through dinner, sitting abnormally quiet but the conversation was too heated so it went unnoticed easily. As the water trickled cold he turned it off at the wall. His head hung low as he held onto the wall for stability, the thumping of his heart and throbbing of pain loud in his ears.

Frank reached through the shower curtain to grab a towel before wrapping it around his torso, tightening it by his waist. Heading into his room he could hear his phone buzzing on the bedside table but he ignored it, going straight for pants and sweats. Every single movement was painful and his head was banging and buzzing so much he couldn't hear anything other than that. He managed the sweats before he sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"Did you fall down the drain or something?"

Frank's insides pretty much sunk to what felt like the bottom of his oceanic pain as he turned quickly. Karen stood at the door, her mouth gaped a little. Frank eyed the towel on the side of the bed before looking back toward her. He forced himself up and off the bed, heading toward her as quickly as he could. She backed away a little, her eyes glazing over as he walked toward her. He didn't know what hurt more anymore; looking at her or how broken he felt.

"What is that?" She asked quietly, her voice heavy and deep like Scott's the other night on the phone. She was so close to crying that Frank's hands began shaking. He wasn't prepared for this, she wasn't supposed to walk in and see the mess that his entire back had become due to the pain. But here she was. And it was finally unraveling. Frank was struck with sheer, harsh panic for multiple seconds before it dissipated too quickly for his liking.

He opened his mouth to speak but only found tears bubbling in his throat instead. The light feeling in his mind increased fast, having already felt ridiculously unwell to begin with. This wasn't helping. He knew he had bought it on himself in more ways than one, the lying and the drugs and the simple loathing of himself so much so to drive everything that made him happy away. He shut his eyes to try and calm himself, "Karen-"

"What is it, Frank? Did you do that today? Falling on the ice?" She asked, touching Frank's arm gently. He flinched a little, but not because of her. He could lie, like he had been doing for almost their entire relationship but he decided against it. This was meant to happen, something was forcing it out. Karen had to find out now.

Frank rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, shaking his head. His head was spinning all over the place and he was instantly regretting taking more than the normal dosage that Dr. Rafferty had prescribed. He knew he would slip back into it and his body had become accustomed to it once again. Because those same words were swirling in his head from all those years ago. "I didn't want you to find out like this"

Once an addict, always an addict.

Karen turned around and shut the door to his room. She then headed forward toward him with a frown on her face. Frank could see the worry spread across her face, the way her arms were folded, so guarded and defended that she could tell something was wrong with him. He had finally been discovered after hiding for so long. "Find out about what? What are you talking about?"

Frank took a deep breath and turned away from her. He walked back across the room and grabbed his t shirt from the side of the bed. Struggling, he put it on over his head without raising his arms that high. He could see Karen in the mirror, watching him, the pain and anger on her face as she did, not even believing what she was seeing. "Find out about what, Frank? Talk to me!" she demanded, "You can talk to me, why don't you ever talk to me?"