Of Course It's A Lie

Courage

They took a cab to the restaurant. By then, it had already gotten dark, and their mother was worried about tripping on her heels since she wasn't used to wearing them. The sisters laughed, and each held their mother's hand to guide her to the brightly lit restaurant doors. The wind had stilled as night had fallen, and they could hear the churning of the river a little ways away.

"Look," Fuyu turned and pointed. Mother and sister followed suit, and saw the pearly white sheen of the moon radiating into the heavens above. The stars had won their battle against the city lights tonight, and the sky was dotted with twinkling little lights. The apparent grooves in the rolling field of indigo and silver made by the soft streaks of clouds made it seem almost as though there was a stairway into the sky. It was an ordinary night, both up there and down on Earth. But it felt a lot greater. And at the same time, it felt a closer and cozier.

"Man, I'm looking forward to the meat options," Fuyu said, and they made their way inside.

The restaurant was a pleasant venue. Immediately after walking inside, Nunoe was hit by a pleasant, comfy vibe. It was well-lit with lamps and candles alike, and there was a fair amount of people eating and chatting with smiles on their faces. Dates, families, old couples--all sorts of people had come to eat tonight.

The Yamanes took their table with grace. Nunoe thought she saw Fuyu attempting to swish her skirt fashionably as she walked--she was fidgeting with the seams--and suppressed a giggle. Their mother picked up the menu and began to read in that rapid-fire way of hers, her eyes darting across the glossy pages.

"This bracelet is so pretty, Onee-san," Fuyu said, adjusting it on her wrist as she spoke. "I think I'll order food that matches it."
"What do you mean?" Nunoe said curiously, her hand halfway towards her own menu.

"Mm...like, you see this green here? That's a food color." Fuyu pointed at a green clay bead on the bracelet.

"Yeah, if you eat grass." Nunoe snorted, picking up her menu at last.

"No! Just think about it. And this red, and yellow...these are all food colors."

"Also flower colors."
"And fire colors."

"Where's the green in a fire?"
"The grass, maybe? I wasn't talking about the green!"
"Then why'd you start with green?"

"Girls, pick up the pace. We came here to eat the food, not argue about it." Their mother said disapprovingly from behind her menu.

"What do you think, Mom?" Fuyu said.

"And trying to get me to join your conversation isn't going to put you in my good books, Fuyu." Their mother added, clearly suppressing a smile. Nunoe choked.

The restaurant door opened, and she choked again.

She'd been ready for the moment, of course, and didn't want to hype it up more than it needed to. After all, they weren't even sitting at consecutive tables. And they saw each other every day at school.

But Nunoe hadn't quite been prepared for the parade of preppy boys and girls and their well-dressed parents. It was about thirty people in all. The entire restaurant seemed to go silent as the crowd entered and stood there, blinking in the lights. Nunoe wondered if they'd have enough tables.

As a waiter ushered them all to their seats--spread out across five-ish tables on the other end of the restaurant--Nunoe tried to turn her eyes away as fast as she could. But it must have been her inner desire to see Sumire, because that's what she was too late to avoid.

The Maedas were well-dressed as usual. Nunoe didn't think they'd ever had a bad hair day of any sort. Sumire's hair ends were dyed gold today. Her eyes were something else, too. Nunoe didn't want to look away, and she wanted to never have to see that familiar face shrouded by long, ivory locks again.

"Chicken," Fuyu decided from beside her. "That's all I need tonight."
"Agreed. Nunoe?" Their mother said. Neither seemed to have noticed the onslaught of people--how?--but then Fuyu's hand brushed Nunoe's.

"I'll go get the waiter." Fuyu said.

"I'll come with you." Nunoe's face was set.

"I'll go too, then. May as well have all three of us looking silly together," their mother said. Was that a smirk on her face? Fuyu laughed.

"Imagine, all of us up and leaving to get a waiter."

"Well, no need to imagine, because that's what we're doing," Nunoe said edgily. Fuyu slapped her around the shoulders.

"C'mon, sis."
"Don't press your limits, Fuu."

"Fuu!" Their mother snorted.

Fuyu was still in shock as they approached the waiter. Sumire wasn't that far. She had her back to them. Her mother, Akiko, had been staring at Fumina and her girls in disbelief. Neither Maeda had known they'd see the Yamanes today, especially after the pains Akiko went to to avoid them. But Sumire hadn't been shocked. She'd planned this event with her potential--new--friends for a while. She wasn't going to let a couple bad memories and misfits ruin it. Especially since she'd given Nunoe very little thought for a long time now. Did she try to suppress those thoughts, or did suppression come naturally to her?

As they walked back to their seats, waiter in tow, Nunoe's spirits felt a bit dampened. She was trying not to get too beaten down, though. It wouldn't be fair to her family--or herself--to get beaten down now. She had to wonder, though.

I'm falling down a dark space,

And you're pretending not to notice.

And here I am in the light,

And you're nothing but a shadow now.

I have to admit it to myself--what I've been trying to suppress in myself this whole time, Nunoe realized. That I loved her, and probably still do in some messed-up way. Masochistic, sort of. And if--if--I could've done something to fix it, I would have. I've grown a lot since the spring. But I'll never really know if it was worth it to lose a friend...just for growth. But I know a lot more now, so I'll decide on yes, it was worth something. Painful as it is--was--still is.

There's still another year of high school left, but she'll be gone soon. I think I'd like that. Even if the other girls and boys still talk about me behind my back and avoid me like the plague, she's still an important person in that if she leaves, I'll be alright.

It doesn't matter what she thinks about me now, or what she wishes on me now. Because all I wish for her is that she understands someday. And if she has to be made to feel what I felt...then I wish her luck through that torture. So that she embraces the pain of it even more than I did, and learns even more than I have. I would like for her to become a better person. But I also, now, I also want for me to become a better person. I'll be the better person to the best of my ability. And I won't let the actions of others towards me become a major definer of my personality and my outlook.

I won't forget the happiness I felt with Sumire. Sumire, don't you forget it, either. That would be an insult to yourself as well as to me. Sumire, you're not the only person I love. But I hope someday you realize how much you meant to me. And I hope you realize how much being with you made me think so little of myself. Maybe, someday, we can both emerge from these dark tunnels as better people. But I have stopped thinking of myself as entwined with you, Sumire. I've stopped thinking of myself as entwined with other people. In my heart of hearts, I am but Yamane Nunoe, I am but me. I am only me. I am me.

I'll try to embrace the future of myself.

Goodbye.

Sincerely,

Yamane Nunoe

                                              ~And This is the End of That Story.~