Emo Bitch

Chapter One

Waking up and feeling emotionless was something I had been living with for a few weeks. The motivation to get up and be productive -hell, do anything with myself- was gone since I realized everything is either fake or a distraction from the overwhelming loneliness.

It's not that I was alone, physically, it was the fact that everyone in the world was alone, because that's how it always has been and how it would be forever. We were all born separately and alone, and the only people we could trust was ourselves. Even if someone shared a uterus and a birthday with their twin, they would still be alone all of their life, and die alone in the end.

This was a painful truth that I had discovered after I was left alone. I gave up on making friends after Skyler decided I wasn't good enough for her, or I was too annoying or weird to be in the same room as her. The people who were close to me would always be the ones who would leave and cause a deep pit in my heart, and I was not strong enough to pretend that it didn't effect me.

That bitch, Skyler, pretended to be my friend for ten years, and for what? Did I help her feel like her opinion mattered? Did I make her feel less alone in the world? She made me feel like I could maybe, just possibly, trust my fellow human beings that lived around me to just tell me the truth about myself.

Our friendship dissolving into merely an acquaintance, or even just an acknowledgement of one another, haunted me in July and August before eleventh grade, but I made sure to pull myself together before the first day of school. I was in a dark place, my bedroom, questioning the entire friendship and its changes. It was difficult, getting over the realization that nobody can be true friends with anybody, and it was especially real for Skyler and me.

How did she find that group of friends so quickly, anyway? I knew that she had other friends than me while we still spoke, but she just jumped right into that friend group, and they loved her so easily. It was all an image, though. Skyler transformed from a relatable, warm blooded human with feelings and a real face, to a cold, shiny mirror image of whatever was popular, with a two-dimensional personality. I guess her socially accepted group of friends were fine with adding one more chic, smiling mannequin to their window display.

I was jealous, yet happy about her new friends. I realized that was where she always belonged. We both had moved on, however, I appeared to be more damaged. I tried to appear to be stable, but it became a sad cover very quickly.

I had other friends to help pass the numbing-time by, but they never really listened to me. They would pay attention to my rants or jokes, give me sly feedback, and move on, but they never listened fully for anything deeper than the surface level lunchtime conversation. I just wasn't a real person to them, I was merely a voice that would agree or quietly disagree, but my overall being was non-existent. After awhile, I just stopped trying to talk to them, and I was numb to any interactions with people.

The first few months of junior year were a silent, lonely hell, and I wouldn't have time to develop any feelings with all the homework we were given. I would spend some weekends getting high, and it honestly was the only time I felt like a real person, and I felt close to myself. That didn't happen too often, though.

All I wanted was to meet someone who cared about me. Like, really cared about my overall well-being. Somebody who didn't have to care as part of a responsibility, like my parents, but was genuinely interested in me. After awhile, it was hard to be anything but numb. I became a shell of a person. If there was someone to stop my darkness, I didn't meet her until January, when I was jolted back to life, and everything changed.

Author's Note:
Please vote if you liked it! This is one of my first stories, so I'll try to improve. I'll try to update once a week.