It's "Literally" Love - a Dan Howell x reader fanfic

Chapter 39

"You're in love with me?"

"I believe so, yes."

"I thought when you said it before you were kidding."

"I probably didn't understand what it was and I was just saying it....to say it."

"I can understand that."

"I'm in love with you (Y/N)."

"I think.......I'm in love with you too."

Dan looks over at you and smiles, his face blushing like crazy. You don't smile, you just stay frozen. Realizing how it actually feels. He kisses you quickly and then pulls back. His smile is gone. Now it's just his gaze

"(Y/N)?"

"Yes?"

He then leans in and begins to kiss you. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you kiss back. Dan creeps closer, hugging you tight to him. The 2 of you kiss for a while and then, finally, Dan pulls from you for air. "(Y/N)..." He asks. You nod. "Yes?" You say out of breath. "Do you think we should....ya know...." He hesitates in between breaths.

You think about it for a while. Remembering the man that did an unforgivable act, you shutter. When you were 17, you were walking home with your friends and when they all turned right for their street, you were left behind to go straight all by yourself. You weren't thinking about the possibilities. A man was waiting for a girl like you to walk along, and he got what he was after.

After 5 minutes of walking home, the man sprinted toowards you and tackled you. He held you down and told you to shut up, as you were screaming. Finally, without patience, the man pushed a cloth soaked in chloroform against your face and waited for you to pass out.

Once you woke up, you found yourself in a moving van with your hands, cuffed to the doors, along with your feet. 2 men were lurking on your sides. One had a scruffy looking beard and dirty clothes. The other had gloves on that were cut at the finger tips and a black beanie. He was the man that tackled you.

The bearded man noticed that you were awake and smiled. His teeth were yellow. They both looked like high schoolers. "She's awake!" He sang. The other looked over, deep into your eyes, looking into your soul. You tried to look into his but they were empty and cruel.

"What should we try first Kyle?" The bearded man's name was Kyle. "I dunno Nate." The man that tackled you was named Nate. Immediately, you recognized who they were. They're brothers. They used to like you. Oh god. I had thought.

Then, they did...........too much. You had already told Dan the story. "I'm scared." You say. Dan leans away. "Okay," He replies. "I understand." Then, he hugs you tightly.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Being scared."

"Why would you be scared of that?"

"I dunno."

"Hey, (Y/N). Look at me." Dan says, taking your chin in his hand and lifting it. Your eyes meet. "It's okay to be afraid of things." He reassures you. Though he rubs your shoulder, you still feel guilty. "I'm going to wash my face." You say and walk into the bathroom.

The room is filled with light as you rinse your face. Oh god. You think. It's happening. Your hands begin to shake and you begin to breathe heavily. Why is this happening? I didn't want to do it and Dan said it was fine...but he seemed upset. The torment in your head begins.

As the anxiety grows in your mind, the more your hands shake and more weight sets on your shoulders. He hates you for this...no he doesn't. He loves me....lies. He wants you to feel "fine" when he feels like SHIT. NO! HE LOVES ME! No. YES! No. YES! The fighting in your mind grows and grows and grows and then you fall to the ground. A loud thud sounds off when you do. But the argument continues.

The water continues to run as you lay on the floor and breathe as heavily as ever. Stop lying to yourself. You know he absolutely hates you. YOU ARE LYING! STOP IT! I am not lying. YES YOU ARE! STOP IT! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! I DON'T DESERVE THIS!! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!!! No. I will continue to tell the truth til you believe it. I'LL NEVER BELIEVE IT!

"(Y/N)? Are you okay?"

"GET OUT! GET OUT!! GET OUT!! STOP!"

"(Y/N)? Open the door!"

"STOP LYING!!! HE LOVES ME!! STOP IT! STOP IT!! GET OUT!!!"

Dan unlocks the door with a pin and finds you on the ground, screaming for the voices to leave, shaking so hard it looks like you are having a seizure. He quickly picks you up and brings you to the couch. "(Y/N)! Stop screaming! Talk to me! (Y/N)! (Y/N)!" As Dan yells for you, you hear his voice becoming muffled and farther away. Your breathing goes semi-back to normal and you pass out.

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(Wow it's been awhile since I've done this) Dan's POV

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"(Y/N)! (Y/N)?! (Y/N)? (Y/N), wake up! Please!" I begin to call out to her but it doesn't work. The door opens and Toni comes up the stairs. "Hey Dan, Phil is getting the mail. He'll be up in a bbbbiiiii........(Y/N)!!!!!" She screams. Toni runs over to her and pushes me out of the way. She checks (Y/N)'s heart and sighs a breath of relief.

"Okay, years of training to be a nurse has finally got me here. I can do this." She says to herself. Toni then proceeds to drag (Y/N) off the couch and onto the floor. She begins to shake (Y/N). Toni tells jokes, tells her that she is there. That she needs to wake up. Then, (Y/N)'s eyes open.

"Okay. Stand up." She says, pulling (Y/N) to her feet with one hand. "Shake it off. How bad was it?" Toni asks, looking over at me. "She was screaming and shaking and her breathing was heavy." I reply in shock. "You've seen this before?" I ask.

"Oh yeah, I thought you would have known that (Y/N) has anxiety."

"Anxiety?"

"Yeah. Ever since she was raped."

"That would make sense."

"She'll be okay. Do you know why it happened?"

"No."

"Okay."

Once (Y/N) fully regains conscious, I hug her. Gently this time. "I love you." I repeat over and over. She doesn't understand what's going on. I don't care.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I love you."

"I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. And I love you too."

"Good."

*Salutations everybody!!!!! A. Sorry that this chapter is so short I didn't know what to write. B. This chapter was kinda aimed at me because I had my first panic attack a while back and I wanted to write about it. It was like this but replace the screaming with lots and lots of crying. My mum helped me thru though so I'm okay. Anyways, remember if you have any ideas for chapters, let me know in the comments or DM me! As always, have a fantastic (beasts and where to find them) day/evening! BAH-BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*