Her Probation / Paul Lahote

ONE

All sounds and distractions of the outside world were being drowned out from her thought pool. Music pushed out all unnecessary sounds, but did nothing to settle the nerves that pushed through her every pore.

She didn't want to admit it out loud, but she was feeling a lot more on edge about the pending situation, which only got worse as she felt the car come to a halt. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to prolong the inevitable and block out the reality of this situation. Leading up to this moment she had done a considerable job of pushing all feelings down to a point where she felt nothing; no nerves, no worries and no insecurities. But at the end of the day she's only human and, consequentially, they had caught up to her. In a sudden tsunami of emotions she felt everything crash into her stomach and the urge to throw up became prominent.

After taking a few breaths, she opened her eyes and looked over at the man that practically saved her life. The patient man had waited for her to gather herself and nodded at her reassuringly, while she attempted to extinguish all of her fear into simmering ash. He pointed to his ears, referring to the girl's headphones that were still firmly lodged into her ear canals. For a moment she thought about shutting her eyes again and pressing the volume higher. Instead, she reluctantly pulled her safeguards from her ears.

"We can take a few more moments, if you need it?" Garret, her probation officer, had offered in a soft tone. She shook her head solemnly and passed the small blue iPod back to him (that he lent her).

"No more waiting." She insisted and opened the door. He nodded and followed her out of the car. Fern Winters looked up at the proud two-storey house with shaky breath and took in the beautiful and bright flower garden outlining the deck of the front patio. The garden was so well maintained and flourishing that she could only imagine how clean the house inside must be if this was how these people looked after the outside of it. As she thought back, she couldn't remember seeing such a home in a long time; well kept and loved. 

Garrett gently ushered the brown-haired girl and knocked on the front door. She stood beside him and felt the awful craving begin to bubble in her core, the emotions rising like a Phoenix from their ashes. Despite all her best efforts (and Garret's techniques), Fern was still a little while away from squashing that voice in her mind so driven by previous addiction. She vaguely felt her fingers become fidgety and her heart beat thump against her rib cage harder in anticipation for the craving. She knew the signs that were starting to take over and the need to calm them immediately became apparent. Her hands moved behind her back to pull at the bottom of her long ponytail to distract herself, before she moved onto taking deep meditative breaths, as she pictured her lungs filling with fresh and clean air opposed to other means. All this escalating in the seconds that it took for the middle aged woman to open the door, which only threw fuel into the roaring flames.

"Garrett, it's a pleasure to see you again," The woman extended her hand shaking his hand before turning to look at the anxious girl, "And you must be Fern. I'm Sue Clearwater. It's lovely to meet you." A soft smile lifted her mouth and she shook Fern's trembling hand. "Please, come in." Garrett and Fern entered the house and the adults waited for Fern to walk in before following her into the house. Fern stepped into the front entrance and her eyes instantly found pictures on the wall. Sue and another older looking man were smiling in a few, as well as a young boy and girl. As her eyes glanced over the next few frames, she saw those young children as adults, with their arms around their mother and broad grins. She wondered what happened to the man?