T H R E E W O R D S E I G H T L E T T E R S

6

I want him so bad.
I want to talk to him so bad.
I want to hear him laugh to make me laugh.
I'd wake up in the middle of the night just waiting for his text back.
Whether it's just a mere 'k' or 'yeah', I cherish it
That's how much I'm fucking in love with you and I can't stop.
I would want our FaceTime to last hours and hours, but not doesn't work that way. I want those endless hours even if it means I am sleep deprived. Because I'd rather have my sleep taken away then word with you.
That's how fast I'm falling.
The nostalgia of it is dangerous.
I think you'll never catch me because I'm the one after every exchange of words whether it be in texts, calls, or face times, you're always the first one to leave.
I'm a hit embarrassed that when you ask to talk I can never resist and relent right away.
I'm not playing hard to get as other girls are which makes me feel like 'the backup'.
The one you only talk to when your bored or when you don't have anyone else.
I want to be the first one you call when you're hurting because it hurts even more when I can feel it but you don't tell me but instead cry on someone else's shoulder.
Don't you see I want you?
Bad.
Deeply.
Completely.
Infinitely.
And truthfully.
I need you like my next breath.
You blow life into my heart.
You say "Gotta go...BYE" after everyone we call or text and you think it's a joke but it's not to me.
It hurts like hell to know you're probably ashamed of being seen with me in front of your parents or little brother and even friends.
Because you're not the one who's left there not being able to say goodbye or goodnight.
I send you long paragraphs and you send me a single emoji or a simple 'ok'.
And while I'll take that anyway to just talk to you, I need to let go.
I need to be able to resist and not be your 'backup' anymore.
It all just end in pain for me.
While this all sounds like a stupid thing to feel for a boy, I think it's everything I love needed to let go these past few days.
Yesterday, I pondered for five minutes if I should press the send button.
Now, I must delete you form my phone because you never remember me.
You say 'Gn' when I want to say 'goodnight baby hope you sleep well'.
But I can't, and that's what hurts.
You see people with sad eyes and broken smile and all you wonder is how do they hide it so well?