new era / the silence between.

something i can never have.

you are unreachable,

unfathomable, drifting, within my line of sight 

yet still blurry.

you linger in my memory,

you always did -

you are something i can never have.

the mirror doesn't reflect who i want to be - it reflects me.

the girl so afraid of herself she deprives herself from things she knows she's lucky to have.

the rawness of my bare face,

every scar, every freckle, every imperfection.

imperfections, you know,

 couldn't exist if perfections did. 

instead of people being their own humans, their own minds, their own beautiful beings

they live in the shadow of the desperate, aching, mind-numbing, heart-tearing want

of wanting to have what the other does. 

perfection -something i strived for since the day i learned that there is a line that separates

what is beautiful

from what is not.

perfection - unreachable, unfathomable, drifting, within my line of sight -

that is something i can never have.

your approval sits upon a hill, lilac wind humming in the background.

it's funny - (well it's not, i suppose, but that's just a saying. it's never funny.) -

you are a joke to me.

i see you taunt and i laugh,

i know you know nothing and i know your words are worth nothing.

it's funny, isn't it,

how my heart beats to hear you approve of me,

ripping my chest open from the inside out.

it's a strange, unrewarding validation, because 

falling from logic and falling from what i know and falling from that hill,

that hill where the lilac wind hums in the background and the lilac wind pushes me back, 

the words that mean nothing when said about anyone else but me,

finally mean something.

and your approval -

unreachable, unfathomable, drifting, just within my line of sight-

it's something i can never have.

why do we crave the things we don't want?