The Fearful Institute

Calm Realization

After what Eddie said I'm starting to think clearly about us. He loves me...and I love him. And I have finally realized that he's always been there for me when I was sick and lonely. He was behind that shut door, waiting...for me to let him in. But I have been too blinde to see that he wants to take care of me, he doesn't want to hurt me...but show affection towards me. I lay in bed as I look up to the ceiling in thought, and for once they aren't twisted, they're normal. I haven't had the opportunity to actually think straight, and the only thing on my mind is him...Eddie.

I have pushed him away for so long, and I've just been so ridiculously stupid in not seeing why he has been trying to get close to me, why he tells me the most insane things ever. He wants to protect me from this place. And lately all the nuns and doctors that work in this place have been going down to the basement for their so called "meetings". Now something is up with that, maybe it's not an actual meeting about improving the patients...but instead making them more insane, pulling them deeper into the pit of darkness. Someone knocks on my door and I quickly get off my back and sit up, the door opens and Eddie appears in the doorway with a shy look on. I smile at him.

"Come here." I whisper and he takes my hand as he crawls onto my bed that's only made for one. But that's the secret that has been whispering into my ear. We are one...we aren't two people in love. We are two people that became one when all our walls finally crumbled down and soon disintegrated.

"I need to talk to you about this place, Aleks." Eddie says and my smile disappears. What does he mean? Well, I was just about to talk to him about it as well, but he sounds more serious. His eyes are the normal light brown shade, but the white in his eyes are no longer pure. They're bloodshot, so red that the white is turning into a dull red, like the blood is a glass covering over his eyes.

"Before you say anything, let me talk first." He says and takes both of my hands into his and kisses them three times. He let's go of my hand and leaves the other in his grip. He softly caresses his cheek with my soft and cold hand, he seems scared.

"I was walking down the hall and I passed a doctor's office, I think it was your doctor. I don't remember his name, but he was talking about experiments going on downstairs, something dangerous that I can't have you get into. He couches a couple times before he continues. His voice sounds weak and sick, it's very scratchy and his hands a very shaky.

"What happened to you Eddie? Did they do something to you?" I ask furiously and he nods his head, but makes sure I hold my next comment. "It's easy to say that I deserved the punishment they gave me. The other day..." He groans and latches onto his hair as if he's been hiding something from me since the first day we met.

"If I say this...everything can change between us, you might not even want to be around me." He whispers as his hands wrap around my wrists. I look down in confusion. What the hell is he talking about? He acts like he's...no. Okay Aleks, think about the place you're in right now...mental hospital...correct. Think about the people inside this mental hospital...lunatics...close. Think deeper, I have to think deeper, I have to be the person that lives in here. I have to be...Eddie. Think like Eddie...think like Eddie...think...like...Eddie. Now let's try this again, who are the people in this mental hospital...insane people...no...mentally ill...no...unstable...no...illusions...no...hallucinations...no...

...Dangerous...no...no...No...No...NO...NO...NO...NO! Victims...yes...

It's been ten minutes that I have been staring at midair, Eddie is still sitting next to me...patient. My bottom lip quivers and I take a deep breath in. I know...I know.

"I know what you've...done, Eddie." I whisper weakly. He looks at me with his eyebrows pulled together in confusion. I nod and look up at him with me completely dry eyes. Not a tear can I feel, not a single piece of fear wells up inside me. I'm not afraid, I remember I was before. I just had to think, and I finally...thought.

"You were killing victims because you didn't want them to suffer. You were the paranoia I felt during the night  I decided to not take my pills. The pills didn't even affect me, they did nothing. It was you. You were standing at my bedside with a weapon, why didn't you kill me? Do you want me to suffer?" I say as I stand up and he stands up right away. He steps in front of me and wraps his hand into a fist and presses it against my chest so I wouldn't walk forward.

"I didn't want you to suffer...I'll never want you to suffer, ever." He says shaky and his other hand grips onto my upper arm. He tries to say more, but I can tell that the words are stuck in his throat like a ball of spiky barbwire. He only manages to shed a single tear from his eye, he flinches from the burning pain. "I couldn't end your life, because I cared too much. I still care too much, and it hurts." He says.

"Wouldn't you consider that harsh, caring about your feelings more than mine, if you cared?" I ask. I swallow some of my saliva and wrap my hand around his fist that was still pressed against my chest. He shakes his head in disagreement, why wouldn't he want to end my life?

"I Love...You." He whispers still with a scratchy voice. This time I'm not in shock, he's said it once.

"I Love You Too." I whisper and he whimpers when he hears the words flow out of my mouth, a slight smile creeps onto his scarred face. "They're not keeping us here because we're lunatics Eddie, they're keeping us here to be their victims...to prove something to someone." I say.

"Who?" He asks.

"I don't know, but I'm sure it's not someone we want to get close to."