Perfect Strangers

bittersweet candy canes

{23rd December, afternoon}

People around me were screaming and chatting, Christmas lights shined bright from the buildings and Santa Claus himself just gave the little girl on his lap a few candy canes. "Ho, Ho, Ho, pretty girl!" he said and handed me a big candy cane after I passed his big red chair to get to the subway station. I forced myself to smile and thanked him. But as soon as I was out of his sight, my eyes watered again. The rest of the school day had been a mess, but I forced myself through it, because I didn't want people to talk crap about me. I don't know, I guess I just didn't want to ruin Christmas for the rest of the world. I felt so..empty. How could he do that? Why haven't I been enough for him? I kept asking myself that question while I got on my subway. I live in Los Angeles Downtown, which means that I have to go on quite a trip everyday. I put in my headphones and turned to full volume. The vintage boots I combined with a short, black jeans and a cute crop top today were all over dirty, but who cared. My dark thoughts got mixed up with the loud rap music in my ears and the endless black world I could see when I looked out of the subway window. Everything started to move and turn. My head hurt so much that I started to cry, but people didn't notice. I unlocked my phone and stared at a picture of Jake and me; my lock screen. When I was about to type a message his chat, my phone slid out of my hands and fell. "Crap!" I muttered and picked it up. My screen was broken, and all these tiny splinter of glass reflected my dark, empty eyes. 'My phone is broken, just like I am,' I thought. Because of all these incidents, I almost forgot to get out at my station. I ran to the doors and jumped out of the subway before the doors closed. But what I didn't see was that from the other side, there was someone jumping out of the subway, too, and as the doors were almost closed, he ran into me and we collided. I fell on the cold, dirty floor of the subway station. Not saying anything, I got up. My head hurt even more now. Looking up, I saw the person who just knocked me down. I froze. I gazed into the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. They were brown, but the color got broken by the spare lighting, and they shimmered like oil spill in the sun. "I am so sorry" he said, and I stopped staring at his eyes. He was taller than me, but not too tall. I realised that not only his eyes were pretty, no, his whole face was handsome. He had styled, dark hair and a very pretty mouth, which started to smile the most beautiful smile now. I took my view off him and shook my long curls. I looked up again and said "doesn't matter, I'm already broken." with a cold look in my eyes. Boys couldn't enchant me any more. Not even pretty boys, like this one. I turned around and ran off; i could feel his view in my back; off to the escalator, over the long bridge, and finally home. I searched for my key and locked up, and when I finally pressed the '45' in the elevator, I took a deep breath. I live in a pretty awesome penthouse suite in the middle of Los Angeles with my mother, but that didn't help anything now. I was all over confused, tired and dirty. All I wanted to do was to stop existing. I didn't want to die. Because dying would attract attention and I was just so tired of attention. I was tired of life.