Useless Fan {Grapeapplesauce}

Part 1

A/N: I needed to have a darker plotline- this might be replacing Distance. Distance was a happy story, and I just can't write cute, fluffy stories like that. I bring you the complete opposite, Useless Fan.

(trigger warning.)

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Prologue:

She slumps alone in her room, Sean's commentating slipping through her mind. It's dumb, he'll never notice her, why is she trying? Her head has fallen in her arms- she's tired of it all; school, having no friends, her entire life. She's just a depressed, self-loathing, useless fan- all she'll ever be.

•

Melinda stares at the messy pile of schoolwork she has to do. It's nearing midnight, she should probably start working on it and go to sleep. But, she can't. It's like there's some sort of disease in her brain, something that defeated all traces of self-motivation and swallowed her happiness along the way. It's the cause of the vacant look in her exhausted eyes, her brittling hair, and itching hips.

Melinda's tired eyes return to her laptop screen, cracking a smile when Sean said something funny. It's only when she's on YouTube that she's close to being happy. Without it, she'd have given up long ago. The video ends, and she sighs, pours out a ton of support into a comment, and clicks the "like" button. If only he would ever notice how much effort she puts into trying to make him happy.

"I'm going to bed," her mother sighs from outside her bedroom door, "don't be up too late. You father should be home soon."

"Okay." Melinda calls quietly. "Goodnight."

A pause. "Goodnight, honey." And then she hears the sound of her mother's slippers stepping against the wood floors, walking back to her bedroom.

It's heartbreaking to see how much her mom tries to pretend like she has a normal, loving family. Melinda is screwed up. Her two brothers are screwed up. Her dad's screwed up. So, Melinda feel bad, knowing that they're all such let downs. It really is quite sad.

The high school senior stares at the small stack of work she still has yet to do. Why did she stay up this late to do it? Melinda doesn't know.

"Ugh," she groans tiredly, rubbing her eyes and checking a few final things on YouTube. "Sean uploaded!" she whispers loudly, immediately clicking on the video. It's a vlog, just a casual update video. Nothing much.

But, for some reason, just listening to his pure voice and looking into his eyes can somehow take you away from reality, if only for just a moment. She forgets all the huge projects she has due the next day, her loneliness, and everything, because while watching his videos, nothing seems so bad anymore.

She's figured out that least one person in this world is worth fighting for, and that's enough for her.

She'll make it through for Sean.

•

"Dammit." she mutters, staring into the bathroom mirror, her morning reflection staring back. "Stupid hair." It's getting worse, her once-beautiful and healthy hair is drying up and now looking to ugly to wear down. And it's all Melinda's fault. Tying it up into a ponytail to hide the unhealthiness, she then opens her drawer, drugstore cosmetics greeting her.

Taking a regretted glance in the mirror, she looks in disgust as she notices the yellowing and acne-clad skin on her face. "Why do I do this to myself?" she pauses, "great, talking to myself. Because that's what completely normal people do." Another sigh from the angsty teenager. She stipples a thick, nude-colored liquid on her face, hiding the pores and discoloration. Lightly powdering it and using a bunch of tools and brushes on her eyes, she decides that she is done.

No one at school will ever know what lies beneath her makeup mask.

•

The hours pass, and she's alone at lunch. Melinda heads off campus to the small cafe she has hunted down throughout her years at this wretched school. No one goes here, and she's surprised it's still in business. She doesn't order anything, and instead just hides in a booth and takes advantage of the free wifi. Soon she'll have to go back to school.

But not now. At least she can be comfortably alone in here, rather than painfully alone, on campus.

•

She walks off campus again after school ends, and Melinda is finally away from that hellhole they call "Cheyenne High". She goes the opposite direction that all the other students go; it's longer, but at least she doesn't have to deal with people. She starts to feel the side effects of the secret she's been keeping.

It's bitterly cold, and her legs are about to give out, unable to support her body. She grits her teeth and moves on, heavy backpack crushing her weak figure. Almost there- one more street to trudge through, and then she's home.

Black dots dance in her vision. She frustratedly rubs her eyes, and then opens them again only for everything to be blurry and dark. Her body is falling asleep. Her head is dangerously light and she's insanely nauseous. She's dizzy, not able to tell right from left and up from down. Her world is spinning, too fast for her to catch up with.

And then, the blackness surrounds her vision and she crashes to the ground.

•

A/N: This should be a bit easier to write for. There's some serious foreshadowing in this as well. Be sure to vote and comment if you want more!

-hazelmist