The Warmth of Andy Brown

Ryan’s POV

It’s the 19th December. Tomorrow’s the day we’re going to release the music video for our latest single, Learn To Love Again. The lads and I were all gathered together at Andy’s house, waiting for 12 midnight, the official release of the video.

Joel and Adam were huddled on the couch, sharing light kisses. I looked at them, jealousy overwhelming me. Why is it that they can be so happy with no worries at all? I feel happy for them but…one-sided love’s a bitch.

Yes, the rumours are true. I’m gay. And I’m in love with Andy. Those who can’t deal with it can fuck off for all I care. All I know is that I love Andy and he is my everything. I would die for him. Anyday.

“Hey mates, it’s time for the release!” Andy shouted as the walked into the living area, his hair still wet from his shower. I gazed at his face, his oh so beautiful face. He’s like an angel that fell from the heavens. I’m just hoping he’ll give me a chance to catch him as he falls. To hold him tight in my arms.

I stopped staring at him and distracted myself with the clock on our coffee table. “10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1! LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN IS LIVE!” We cheered and congratulated each other, smiles were on each and every one of our faces as we all went on Twitter to tweet our lovely Geese.

After awhile, I grew tired. “I’m turning in now! Sleep early for our press conference tomorrow!” I said to the lads before returning to the guest room set for me by Andy. “Night, Ry.” Andy said as he looked back to his phone. Ry. The only person in the world to call me that is Andy. The Andy Brown that I want so desperately. “Goodnight to you too, Ants” I replied. I looked over at Joel and Adam, expecting a goodnight, but all I see is them making out. They’re so adorable together. It’s no wonder all the fangirls go crazy over their relationship. Jadam, they call it. But there’s Randy too. But it’s not likely to happen though. It’s not that I didn’t try or anything, but Andy’s been keeping things friendly between us. Purely friendship. Nothing more, nothing less.

I laid on my bed, thinking. How nice would it be, if Andy and I were a couple? All those hugs and kisses that we could be sharing. Having him by my side when I’m down…that would feel good, I think. If I had him beside me, taking care of me while I was sick two weeks ago…it would have been nice. Would though…it won’t happen. Ever.

The more I thought, the more upset I got. They say that a Capricorn’s downfall is caused by they themselves when they overthink things. I used to think I could sleep it over. Wake up the next day with no literal pain in my chest, waking up with Andy next to me, holding me tight. Just like Joel and Adam. It’s not going to happen. It’s never going to happen. Never.

A tear slipped down my eyes as I thought about it. Ever since I first laid eyes on him those years ago, those instant attraction. Stacey was never with me. She’s just my good friend that I tell everything to. We just didn’t bother clarifying the issue.

I held on to my chest, that pain in my heart caused by an unrequitted love. I wound my arms around myself, planning to have silent tears fall down my cheeks as I attempted to sleep.

“Ry? Are you still awake?” Andy called out from the other side of the door. I kept quiet and wiped my tears. Feigning sleep. I heard Andy entering my room, and sat down beside me as the springs in the mattress compressed. “Oh god Ry. Have you cried yourself to sleep again?” Andy whispered softly as he caressed my cheeks. Again…? I thought to myself. You mean, he knew how I felt all along? I wondered as I continued laying on the bed.

“I’m so sorry Ry. I’m sorry I’m hurting you. I’m such a coward, not admitting my feelings for you. It hurts me as much and attempting to act as if I don’t know you’re hurting inside because of me despite your strong front is killing me inside. I wish you can understand how I’m feeling, Ry. I wish I’m brave enough to tell you this face to face, but I can’t. What if the society and the fans don’t accept us like how they accept Joel and Adam? I love you, Ry. I really do” Andy whispered as he planted a kiss on my forehead. He then faced the other side of the room. I could hear him sniffing as his body shook.

I can’t believe this was happening. Andy’s been in love with me? I opened my eyes, still wet from my tears. I moved towards the shaking angel of mine. I held him from the back and whispered, “I love you too, Andy. If they don’t accept us, we’ll face them together, we’ll show them that what we have isn’t a fling, but true love.” Andy looked at me, alarmed. “Ry! You weren’t sleeping! You…heard everything?” Andy mumbled at the end. I nodded my head as I wiped his tears stained cheeks dry.

I drew him closer, yet not close enough that our lips were touching. I wanted to be sure that he wanted this. To be sure that he won’t regret this. Andy looked into my eyes and moved his head forward. Our lips touched, tears were instantly forgotten. The kiss started sweet and soft, but it became more and more passionate. It began to intensify. We moved our lips in sync for what seemed like hours before we pulled away, gasping for air. We smiled at each other with a smile that was reserved only for each other. For our love.

Andy lied down on the bed and stretched his arms out, urging me to lie between them. I grinned and did so. He then close his arms, embracing me, pulling me close to his body. He kissed my cheeks and said,”Goodnight Ry, I love you.” My brain took some time to truly register what Andy just said, and smiled to myself as I turned over, placing my head against his warm chest. I kissed him on the chest and replied, “I love you too, babe.” before drifting off to sleep, basking in my babe’s warmth. The warmth of my Andy Brown.

A/N: HOLA. So I wrote this at the start of 2013 and thought I would post it here :) How was it? Did you guys like it? :) x