Have u lost your way

I'm having dark times and that's how I got an idea to write this fanfiction. Nobody has the most perfect life. Everyone has their own problems. That is life. Adam's song Aftermath helped me much and I'm really grateful I have friends. BUT back to this fanfiction. Enjoy!

ADAM'S POV#

"Good afternoon Mr. Koskin-"

"Don't try to be nice..."

"Oh, I won't. Just let me even introduce myself, is that okay?"

"Whatever."

"Usually people call me Mr. Lambert but feel free to call me Adam."

No answer.

"Well, you are Sauli Koskinen, am I right?"

"You said it wrong."

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever."

I have been psychologist for over 3 years now. It was interesting to see how people's minds worked and I loved to hear their problems and help them. Most of them say it help a lot to talk with someone. And especially with a professional one. I had been talking with children, teens, adults and seniors. I knew all of their problems and I was here for them. I was here for helping. I had a really soft and relaxing voice and I used to talk slowly. I have worked with people who weren't so nice to me so this Sauli wasn't special case. He had a blond hair with curls, blue eyes and he seemed like he was interested in nothing. He tried to not look at me for a while as I started to talk. There was a like shadow covering him all over. I could see it even if someone else couldn't. Something was badly wrong with him and I'm trying to get him open up for me. The first tep trust. You are lost if you don't have that. It's really important.

"It's nice to have you here. What would you like to talk?"

"I won't tell you anything."

"Every word you say is going to stay between us. I'm not telling anything to anyone if you don't want me to."

No answer.

"Look, I see you don't want to be here. Who sent you?"

"My stupid parents..."

"Do you know why?"

"Well...they knew I- HEY I SHOULDN'T BE TELLING YOU THIS!"

"It's okay. And you don't have tell anything you don't want to. But if you try to tell even something like how are you feeling?"

"I-I'm fine."

I leaned back a bit. The couch felt comfortable. Sauli was sitting in front of me on another couch. There was just one table between us. He didn't seem to like this. He looked stressed. Really stressed. I looked at him curiously. He rested his hands in his lap and was looking down at them. His breathing was a bit heavy. He looked like he wants to cry after he said "I-I'm fine". He wasn't. Why did he even try to make me believe he was fine? I was professional. People didn't use a word 'fine' here. They used words like 'not good', 'bad', 'sick', 'tired', 'scared', 'stressed'.
I lifted my hand up to flip my black hair away from my face and returned it back on my right knee. I was holding a pencil and paper in my hands ready to write something. I looked at my paper and wrote: 'Stressed - don't like to be here, don't want to be helped, don't want to talk'.

"So you really don't have any idea why are you here?"

"I don't need help! I'm not crazy!"

"Crazy? You feel yourself crazy coming here? If this helps, I'm not here because of 'crazy' people. I'm here for people who have problems in their lifes. I'm here to make people feel better. You are not 'crazy', okay?"

No answer.

"You are stressed."

"You don't know a half about stress!"

"You think I don't know? Would you tell me why do you think like that?"

"'Cause you are gor-"

Pause.

"I'm what?"

"Nothing. Forget it."

Everytime Sauli said something I wrote it up. He was actually talking with me. Even saying something was really good thing. He just actually said he's stressed by saying 'You don't know a half about stress'. He had an angry tone in his voice. Then he about to say something but cut himself off. He was looking into my eyes in that moment but broke eye contact. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. He seemed to be embarrassed. What was he saying? What was he going to say? If he wants to be rude he can be. Many people have called me like 'asshole' here. And that's just because of their stress level. I can take it all. He can call me whatever he wants to. I could tell, he wasn't going to do that...
I looked at him with my caring eyes. Was he blushing? Seemed much like that. But why was he so embarrassed and now blushing? Then it hit me. He wasn't going to say 'gorgeous'...or...was he?

"Sauli?"

"Mm?"

"Were you going to say...gorgeous?"

No answer.

"I'm not mad. Please tell me."

"Well...yeah..."

"Sweetheart you don't have to be so shy around me, okay?"

"You called me...sweetheart?"

"Oh...Oh no, I'm really sorry. It came from nowhere."

"It...felt kind of...nice..."

"Really? What are you feeling right now?"

At the moment I was really hoping I wouldn't have used the word 'sweetheart'. Where the hell did it come from? I would absolutely not use that word anymore. Was he scared now? I hope I didn't say it in seductive voice. Why would I even say it in that tone of my voice? I didn't know what was going to happen. He didn't look scared or anything, though.
AND actually it was him at first calling me 'gorgeous'. What the heck, Adam?! He is young and saying 'gorgeous' doesn't even mean anything! But he was blushing... Argh, it's still not right to call him 'sweetheart' even if he was cute.
I stared at the paper in my hands. I hadn't even notice that my hand kept writing word 'cute'. I'm so far away from reality...
I forced myself to ask him something. 'Really? What are you feeling right now?' He had said it felt nice...

No answer.

"You said it felt nice."

No answer.

"I'm sorry if it looks like I'm forcing you. You don't have to answer but are you gay?"

"Umm...yeah."

"It's okay. What your parents think about that?"

"They accept me who I am."

"Is there someone who does't treat you right?"

"No."

"That's good. What about your relationship? How it goes? You have a boyfriend?"

That was the question that made him cry. His tears started running down on his cheeks. His hands started shaking and whole body seemed to fell on the floor. I quickly made my way to him and wrapped my arms around his waist trying to get him up. I pulled him back on a sitting position. I was on my knees next to him, holding him up. Many people have cried here. It was natural and no one should shame on it. I knew it wasn't right to say 'calm down'. Crying wasn't solution but it helped people to get over their feelings.

"Hey, it's okay...you can cry - it's okay."

"I-I'm sorry...I just..."

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Umm..well, I-I...."

"Talking to someone might help. But you don't have to. I'm here for you."

Silence.

"I lost my boyfriend last year...h-he died..."