Gritch Oneshots

Remember? - Pt. 2

I'm just warning you that this is really long...and if you're not into diddly dance with no pants stuff then don't read. Byeee
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The ride to my house was quiet, but took a short 10 minutes to reach. Sean spoke minimally, usually just assuring that he was turning the right way. I would shake my head, hum a little, but that would be it. The atmosphere in here was awkward, tension so thick you could barely breathe. The initial feeling of security had soon faded, and now I was back to my mopey, quiet self. My subconscious, when I got into the car, remembered that this was the only place he'd kiss me. That's why I felt so secure at first, without wanting myself to be.
I guess Sean was making an effort to converse, but I really saw no need in trying. There were no things to talk about, and anything necessary to discuss I was saving for home. I didn't want to spill any of my dark feelings in this car, especially because he could easily drive us off the road if things got serious too quickly. So I kept my social distance, listened to the soft music from the speakers, and waited.
When we met, I was just a shy boy trying to make it through college without so much fuss. I hadn't been around much, usually just sitting down at a library or cafe to read to myself. While everyone was out partying, I stayed in to have a latte.
Sean came in on one of those nights as I was chowing down on banana bread. There were only a couple pages left in my book, so I tried to turn my focus from him to the story. As you may have guessed, it was incredibly difficult to tear my eyes away from him. He was taller, likely much taller than I was, and was fairly slim for a boy of our age. I had seen him around before, but not as close as inside a dim cafe. Of course my hair had to be messy that day, and my glasses just a little bit too lopsided. Maybe if I looked better than night, he would've remembered me better. Maybe he wouldn't have cheated all those months later.
I was growing impatient though I didn't want to. My fingers twitched on their own, my breathing was low and confusing. Sean kept his focus on the road, and it wasn't until he slowed down into a neighborhood of houses that I began to calm down. I still wanted to cry out and yell at him about everything. I felt trapped by this car, trapped by my past, trapped by what he did. I clenched the fist farthest from him to keep me from breaking down.
Eventually, we travelled down my street and watched familiar houses go past. I remembered when I moved in, how there were people sitting outside with happy grins and giggling kids. I drove by and tried not to pay attention to anyone, and I moved in without leaving a trace of myself anywhere else. Today, everyone was inside getting ready for the holiday. There was no time to relax outside in the cold.
"It's right here, on the right." I mumbled, just loud enough so he could hear me. I wondered if he noticed the uneasiness in my voice, all the different hitches in my words since we last saw eachother. Maybe he didn't notice the changes, but maybe he didn't care.
He pulled into the driveway, careful not to run into the dead bushes that had been sitting there since I moved in. I never had the motivation to properly feed myself, so watering all the plants was obviously not my priority. He didn't even notice the dead grass in the yard, but for being just days after the beginning of winter, he might have just assumed it was the cold keeping them lifeless.
"You own all of this?" He said with an approving nod. He climbed out of the car and waited for me to guide him inside, which I did very slowly. He locked the car behind us, reminding me that he'd be here for a considerable while. A shiver crawled up my spine, slow and almost painful.
I jiggled the doorknob of the front door a little, just to find that I had left it unlocked before I left. I pushed my weight against it lightly, and opened the door to reveal all my untouched furniture. Since I spent almost all day in my room sulking, the living room was never occupied. I took a deep breath, and walked in with a lack of confidence.
Sean walked in close behind me, furthering the anxiety building up inside me. If I had known someone was going to come over, I would've made it so the house was a bit more comforting. Even if it was clean, there was a vibe to it that cast a gloomy cloud on even him. He glanced at the couch and throw pillows with a look of content.
"You'd be surprised how low the rent is." I coughed out through the silence. I've never been good with small talk, much less with someone like my ex-boyfriend. I'd usually fill awkward silences between us with nonchalant compliments, but obviously I couldn't do that now. "I live alone, so the landlord was kinda...nice about it, I guess. I think he's rich."
"You think he's rich?" This made Sean chuckle slightly, but I just returned it with a shrug. The guy was old, but always dressed in business suits when he'd come over. He'd call me son and pat me on the shoulder, then head off into his expensive car, a model I can't even name.
"He looks rich. Anyway, you can put your sweater on the coat rack and sit down." I breathed out. There was no point in stalling, when eventually he'd want to know everything. I might as well sit down, take a deep breath, and let it all out. "D-Do you want anything to drink? I think I have tea.."
Sean lightly shook his head, and produced yet another smile. It was mesmerizing to look at, even after all this time I've had to forget it. After putting both our sweaters on the rack, he sat down a couple feet away from me on the couch, but positioned himself so he was facing me. I sat down slowly, the anxiety spreading to my limbs now. My lips trembled, and my hands were shaking frantically.
"So, why did you move out of your parents' place?" Sean's voice was very comforting and gentle, yet I still felt like crying every time I heard it. Every time he spoke to me, everything we spent together, everything I heard, played back in my head. I took several deep breaths while refusing to look at him.
"Well...as you know, I dropped out soon after it all happened. You know...the us thing...All these negative thoughts were scrambled in my mind, and I couldn't focus on anything but all my pain."
I began slowly, tried to work around any intense details and chose my words carefully. As much as I didn't want him to know I was still in love with him, the fear in my voice would make that hard to swallow. Sean stopped looking at me, too, and looked to the floor with his hands folded. I continued.
"My parents didn't understand, and they couldn't, because I kept my promise not to tell anyone. After a while of living with them, I realized that all I was doing was putting a dark cloud over our family. I drank in my room and cried myself to sleep wondering what I did wrong. Ella noticed first, so that's when I decided I had to stop burdening them." I swallowed, then followed by Sean's silence. My nerves subsided, but the fear of what Sean would say still lingered. "So now I'm here."
Sean took a moment to process everything I had told him. He looked confused, maybe a tad frustrated. But overall, really, he looked sad. I couldn't tell you what was going on in his mind until he talked.
"So you left your family, because of what I did to you...?" He finally looked up, and a wave of concerned quickly washed over his face. His hands reached for mine, and when they touched, I felt the warm tingling wrapping up my limbs. I don't know what he's doing. I don't know how that makes me feel. "Mitch, I'm so sorry..."
Even though I hadn't planned on it, I continued.
"I always told Anna my insecurities. I thought you wouldn't kiss me because you were embarrassed of me. But even then I didn't want to believe Anna when she told me that you had just...gone off. I hadn't seen you in weeks, but once I saw you kissing someone by the football field, I lost it. All my self-control, my sense of self-worth. I convinced myself that you cheated because I wasn't good enough to show off like that. I didn't feel like I was worth it. I just felt...used...I don't know. I just remember screaming at Anna that I always knew I wasn't good enough for you, and I should've just stopped myself at that. It would've spared me the heartbreak, and all the drinking."
He pondered on this and looked as if he was about to cry. His thumbs ran gently over my knuckles as he sat in deep thought. I had no courage to pull my hands away, but nor did I want him to stop it. His touch became comforting again.
"Do you regret it?" He murmured.
"Regret what?"
"Being with me all that time."
"S-Sometimes. Once in a while I like to think that I should be happy we were together in the first place. Most of the time, I wish it would have never happened, because then I just wouldn't be so damn sad all the time."
He looked more than sad now. He looked angry at himself, concerned with my well-being, and struck with a sense of something else I couldn't decipher. His hands were still lightly running across mine. He began to speak in his same gentle voice.
"I was so afraid what everyone would think that I didn't even realize how much it would hurt you. I fell asleep thinking about what my parents would say or what they'd do. I remembered that as a kid, I painted one of my nails to match my cousin's, and my mom spent the entire day calling me these ugly words. Ever since then, I've never been able to tell them who I really am. I tried to avoid catching feelings for boys, but if that had worked out we wouldn't be here."
He smiled like he told a joke, but it went away quickly. As he spoke, he moved closer to me, but I didn't think much of it. He just talked, and I listened to his words like they were music. Heart-wrenching notes at that.
"I don't know what I was thinking. I should have told you when I wanted to move on instead of just fucking around with all those girls. I didn't like any of them, but it was nice to be able to kiss someone in public. I just wish that could've been possible with you. I-I've never stopped thinking about you..."
He touched his fingers lightly to my face, and suddenly we were just inches apart. His eyes scanned over my face, saving every detail in his head and seeing what's changed. If I wasn't so nervous, I would have said something. Instead, the shock of his touch kept me quiet.
"I missed you." He whispered. Our faces were so close that I felt his breath brush on my skin. My heart was accelerating and the room became suddenly warm.
"I missed you too." I whispered back. His face inched closer, and his eyes were closing. I was so wrapped up in us, in all my warm memories and our close proximity, that I forgot what was really going on. We're not supposed to be doing this.
"Sean, wait, you have a girlfriend.." I choked out as I pulled myself away a few inches. I couldn't let him go on with anything with that thought on my mind. His hands reached for me still, and his eyes fluttered open in worry. Even after reminding him, he stared at me with want.
"Shh, this is the only time we'll have." He murmured even softer, and caressed my cheek with his hand. I felt myself fall even closer to his embrace. Something inside me replaced the nerves with loving butterflies. "Just let me kiss you right now. Please."
I was not reluctant at all. Something I hadn't felt in a while was rushing through me at an unbelievable pace. I nodded my head slowly, stared into his eyes until they closed. He didn't want to rush the moment, and instead waited for me to speak again before he went all in. "Then kiss me."
He breathed for a moment, hesitating if he was doing the right thing. His eyes lingered over my lips, like he was taking a picture of them in his mind. Finally, he looked back up to me and pressed his lips gently against my own. We both closed our eyes for the short peck it was, but soon continued to make them longer as we got more comfortable.
I felt the tingle traveling from my lips throughout the rest of my body. I touched my hands to his waist just to feel him get closer, and his hand cupped the back of my neck to keep my lips on his. For the first time in a year, I felt an emotion other than gloom or depression. I felt relaxed, because I knew that with such a shortage of time, we needed to make the most of it. That meant no negatives, no toxic emotions. Just us.
Sean cut our kissing short and moved down to my jaw, leaving small little pecks up and down it. I let my hands slowly rub his back through his shirt, and I closed my eyes to let myself live in this reality. It was impossible to think that after all this time, I'd be feeling Sean's touch again, and I could have never expected this. He kissed me so gently that I swear his lips were feathers.
"I want to touch you like I was always afraid to do, every inch I never explored. I want to kiss you to make up for every second I was in fear." He mumbled into my neck as he peppered it with small, loving kisses. His words were magic in just reeling me in closer to him, therefore giving him much better access to me than before. He still persisted in kissing my skin like it was fragile porcelain, but the loving sensation it gave me was all the same. His hands had begun to lovingly brush my sides.
"Do you like that?" Sean whispered as his lips met with the skin of my neck again. I didn't notice his hands going lower, slipping under my shirt. I only thought about how much I loved him kissing me like he never had before. I could only reply with a positive hum, otherwise I'd let all the soft moans of his name escape. Soon enough, I was letting his hands pull my shirt up over my head.
With a low grumble, I kissed Sean on the lips again as he pulled up for air. I lifted his shirt off, exposing us equally to each other as we pulled back in for another peck.
His hand was still pressed against my nape, and he constantly pecked my lips like a tease. I didn't mind the short spurts of agony I felt when he pulled back, since they were often replaced by his lips sending electric currents throughout my body.
"I want to let myself love you." He whispered through the inconsistent touch of our lips. "I don't want to think about anything else. I just want to love you for the time being."
I processed his words in my mind, they felt unreal. The boy I had spent so much time hurting over, was telling me he wanted to love me. I swallowed hard and let my emotions take over. No more thinking, just do.
He stood up from sitting and pulled us to our feet, still looking deep into my eyes. He steadily wrapped his arms around me, then connected our lips again. He was pulling me through the living room, trying to find a place to lie us down. The floor wouldn't be as comfortable, and the couch would be underwhelming.
"My room is upstairs. First door on the left." I said by pulling away momentarily. He took my hand in his and led us quickly to the stairs. He ran up like an overexcited child, and I followed closely behind. Once we had reached the stop, he pulled me back into his arms. He turned us slowly around until my back was lightly pressed against the door. My hand fumbled with the knob beside me, and I quickly turned it to let us inside. Instantly, the cold room wrapped us in its temperature and made shivers crawl up our spines. I pushed several things out of the way with my feet and let him guide me to my messy bed. He didn't seem to notice the mess and was more focused on kissing me. He slowly laid us both down, one hand cradling my head as the other tapped the waistband of my pants.
Within a couple minutes, we had completely taken off each other's clothing. Pants were thrown across the room, and our boxers were discarded on the floor. His lips had moved on to my neck, leaving small wet areas as he moved around. Unable to do much with him on top, I ground my hips against his slowly. Each time he pulled from my neck, his breath was warm and shaky.
"Make love to me, Sean." I whispered.
His eyes looked in to mine, scanning them for any doubt, but found none. He was processing my words, making them sensible in his mind. I wrapped my legs around his waist and positioned myself so it would be easier on him. His hand ran over my temples on cheeks tenderly, and he began to whisper sweet things that made my insides tingle. His voice was angelic and pure to my ears.
"I'll go slow." Was the last thing he said, before our hands intertwined and he was pushing inside slowly. My eyes shut almost immediately, and a painful groan escaped my lips. I didn't want to make it obvious that it was my first time, but my own moans betrayed me. Sean's hand touched my face again, only this time, more concerned.
"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" He breathed and kissed my lips gently again. I nodded, slow and careful. His voice from earlier played in my head, about how we don't have much time. I needed to relax if I wanted to enjoy this. "We can stop if you want."
"N-No..." I choked out with a nervous breath. "I like it, Sean...please keep going." I begged and slightly brought my hips up, bringing his closer. He nodded, then took my hand again. He continued letting himself in, and by each second that passed I was amazed by how much could fit.
"Sean.." I sighed with my eyes closed. His length was already deep inside me, each slow thrust was another wave of euphoria. I had never felt anything as pleasurable and desirable as this. He was gentle with the rest of me, and sweetly kissed my shoulders.
"Shh, it's okay."
For the short amount of time, I tried not to think about what had happened between us. I wanted to revel in these few moments of pleasure, and really absorb all of his love and all his gentle touches. I let myself consume his rhythm and move along with it. Each thrust was a new experience for my body, and each time his mouth tickled my neck was a quiet moan of his name.
"Don't stop, oh God, it feels so good." My hands found his hair, and I ran through it steadily. He seemed to like this, because as soon as I started, he hit me much deeper. I cried out and pulled on his hair even more.
He mumbled things I never imagined he'd say. That he misses me, he loves me, he wants to cherish me. All these things were rarities when we were together, and hearing them made me ecstatic. When Sean simultaneously found the two sweet spots on my neck and inside me, I dug my fingernails into his back.
My mind was blooming with pleasure, my whimpers becoming louder. I said his name multiple times, and each time he thrust in deeper than he had before. He didn't go incredibly fast, which was a relief to both me and my body. If he had, I would've probably just exploded.
So we lied there, me letting him touch me in all the right places and more. I began to think of our short time together, and how we're both making the most of it by making sweet love to eachother. It could've been hours, but the consuming arousal I felt was so sudden and consistent that it could've easily been much less time. He didn't stop or slow, only kept going to the sound of my moaning mess.
"I'm close." His breathing was hitched and heavy, and he became much more unsteady inside me. My legs were quivering and shaking beneath him, as the extended pleasure and time was making them weak. I nodded when he spoke, because I felt myself coming close to my peak as well.
I peaked first as I heard his grunts and moans become louder. Shock and adrenaline surged through me at an incomprehensible speed, but Sean lasted few seconds after me. My toes curled, my back arched, and Sean hunched forward as he slowed his pace.
We breathed heavily against each other as our highs became lows. My mind was blank, save thinking about how beautiful Sean looked even with the sweat on his forehead. He pushed little strands away from my eyes, and just hovered over me and grinned. For the first time, I let myself smile back.
"You are so beautiful." He told me, then leaned down to kiss me tenderly. I wanted this moment to last forever. Our heavily breathing bodies were just wrapped up in each other in silence. His hands were grazing along my sides, and I felt like I was perfect to him.
"I lo–"
"I have to go." He cut me off without realizing I was going to speak. I sat up, confused, and he somehow managed to bounce off me and begin picking up his clothing. I blinked through my confusion and just watched him move around my messy room, stepping over empty tissue boxes and tube of ice cream. I reached out to touch him, but he swatted my hand away.
"What are you doing? Why are you leaving?" I cried with obvious hurt in my voice. He quickly departed the room, and I sprinted around to find my own clothes. I retrieved my pants and boxers, but my shirt was downstairs.
I slipped my clothing back on as I ran down the stairs, hopelessly trying to see what Sean was doing. He was rushing to put on his sweater at the door, but I stopped him by grabbing his shirt and pulling him towards me.
"Why?" I spat at him. I was dazed, hurt, puzzled all in one. And he just looked at me with a completely blank expression.
"She's going go be waiting, I'm sorry, I have to go." He took my hand and dropped it to my side, finalizing his outfit by zipping up the sweatshirt. My heart wrenched in my chest as I heard him speak of her again. I didn't want him to leave just yet, so I pulled on his arm. He turned momentarily and I lunged forward to try to kiss him goodbye, at the very least, but he thrust me away. I cowered backwards, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. He looked down on me with the same, unknowing face.
"Merry Christmas, I hope I never see you again." He announced finally. I tried to reach out again, but he opened the door and started for his car. I gave up trying to stop him.
I watched him scurry down the driveway, and the bony hands that were just touching and caressing me were fumbling with his keys. His sweater billowed behind him as he finally unlocked the door to his car. As he climbed in and stuck his key into the ignition, not even glancing to look at me, the worst revelation struck me. He backed out of the driveway and disappeared down the street, when I realized I had let him break my heart once more.