Rants

Gender and Sexuality

Right I really don't understand what my gender and sexuality are so I'm gonna write down the things I feel here and see if I come to any conclusions or make it more clear for anyone reading.
Gender- this one is the most confusing because I don't understand what gender actually means. There are two sexes, male and female, this is a biological fact and usually is determined by what is between your legs, gender is different though and that's where it gets confusing. Gender is supposedly a sense or a feeling, but I find it confusing because I don't feel like a girl or a boy, I just feel like a person. I don't want to be stuck to gender stereotypes and being told I am a certain gender because sometimes I feel masculine, sometimes I feel feminine and sometimes I just feel human. I don't feel the need to identify as anything specific, but some days it does feel more fem that masc or more masc than fem, even if I don't understand what this 'feeling' is.
Sexuality- I've thought an awful lot about sexuality and I still don't know exactly how I feel. At the moment I'd probably call myself pan-asexual. The pan part is pretty easy as I don't really care about gender that much, I just think people are people and that's cool, I think I have a slight preference for girls though, but even that changes sometimes. The more confusing part is the asexual part because it's hard for me to know what that feels like. Obviously I've never come close to anything remotely sexual and probably won't for a few years, but in my mind it still feels like a very unnatural, quite scary concept which most people my age have already accepted and can easily talk about. Talking about it makes me uncomfortable and so does thinking about it, but does that mean I'm asexual necessarily? Sometimes I wonder if I might even be aromantic just because I don't see much difference between friendships and relationships. I don't want there to be a difference. Even the thought of kissing just seems so alien to me and I really dont understand if this means anything or if I'm just too young to know.
This rant kind of helped me understand things a bit better, if any of you have advice please tell me, thanks,
Libby