crush diaries

The time and distance theory

"I don't care about him any more! I'm so over. him" I said.

My friends rolled their eyes.

We were sitting in our dorm room, the three of us. One of those philosophical nights when you talk about everything and realize how time had passed. Yep it happens when you manage to finish a few years of college.
Like an interim stage while metamorphosising from a girl to a woman, we tremble between controlling the last vestiges of our teenage impulses and the sophisticated mask of a lady.
As usual the topic had turned to our one-sided infatuations. A step higher than a crush but not love. The word is taboo, with the same effect on us as Voldemort's name on Ron weasley. It was the unspoken agreement. No one-sided bullshit.

My crush of course remains oblivious to all of this inner turmoil.
A rather long gap of summer and we inevitably get complacent. Until of course we see him again for the first time in awhile. The butterflies are back, but this time you have some feeble resistance built up from your past experiences. The surprise attack is only half effective.

Its the aggressive offence attack that takes you out. Its a pretty ordinary occurrence really, not one you would bother about if it were some other guy.
But then, THE GUY comes around and decides he has to talk to you. Make a silly comment about your shoes. Ask you about your assignment, or maybe you simply catch him looking at you and you both look away flustered.
Its cruel how quickly you latch on to such infinitesimal gestures.

Hope is sadistic thing. Each time it destroys you and rebuild you again. Like a dynamic volcano. Continuously combusting and regenerating.
the cycle may never get old for you but after a while your friends get really bored I guess.

The point I'm trying make here is that, sometimes, even time and distance cannot make you completely immune to this particular kryptonite. No, what I realised was that, the answer is hidden in the lines of the question.
Gather some courage, spill your guts, or just talk to the guy. Get to know him.( and make a list of all the bad, worst things about him and his ever growing- and maybe even nonexistent- flaws)
So this time, when I told my friends, I knew it was a fact, and it would remain that way for quite some time.
"No, really, this time I'm slcompletely sure. I'm totally, completely irreversibly and irrevocably over him." I repeated.
With raised eyebrows tala, my pretty brunette friend said,
"So if I tell you he found your iPod in your desk today, and said 'your friend has a really good taste in music' to me before he asked me to pass it on to you, You won't be bothered in the least?"
I didn't miss a beat. "Nope" I replied confidently.
"Huh... Well... Okay then." She said handing me the iPod I had forgotten in my desk earlier today.
"Why do you think he looked under my desk?" I asked nonchalantly as I scrolled through the recently played songs on my iPod.

Tala shrugged.

Looking up, I asked again ( I admit this was just a tiny bit intriguing)
"Did he mention anything else about me? Or any song in particular?"
This time she rolled her eyes exchanging a look with Sasha (my other friend)

"I'm just a lil curious," I add defensively.

For the second time in an hour, my friends rolled their eyes at me again.

"What? Stop looking at me like that!"