Chapter 01

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Chapter 1

“Mandy! That’s your third bowl, are you kidding me?” Emma said, staring at me with her eyes opened so widely that it looked like her eyeballs might pop out anytime soon.

“What? It’s not my fault Mom’s lasagna is delicious!” I talked with the lasagna fully stuffing my mouth, making me look like an unattractive giant panda, “it’s not like this is the first time you see me eat, right?”

“I don’t understand how you still weigh 120 pounds.” she said, “You should, at least, be stuck at 300.”

“Shut up, Emma! I’m trying to eat!” I protested with my mouth still chewing the beautifully home-baked beef lasagna. Oh, thinking about beef reminded me of bacon. How tempting!

“It’s more like you’re trying to gobble up anything that you see!” she couldn’t just drop it, could she? “Mom, you have to stop her before she consumes everything, before she eats you!”

“Your sister’s got a point, Mandy.” Dad suddenly joined our ‘conversation’.

“It is unhealthy.” Mom continued, “You know, your obsession.”

“What? You guys are on her side now?” If someone’s going to fight for my rights as a human to eat, that person is me.

“Well, sooner or later, you’re going to have to stop grabbing snacks every minute or two.” At this point, I knew my mom would start her usual, pointless lecture that I wasn’t going to listen to anyway.

“But I choose later!” I tried to defend myself.

I was about to scoop another plate of lasagna when Dad interrupted my wisest act of the day, “No, the third was the last for today.”

“You’re actually asking me to starve myself till tomorrow? I need at least the portion of four!”

“It’s six, Mandy.” Mom said, in her best wise man voice, which she obviously failed, “You’re going to sleep at ten, no need for snacks anymore, okay?”

I groaned and stood from my chair, “you guys are evil!”

“If you eat like a pig, you’ll gradually become one!” Mom quoted the word pig with her fingers.

I stormed my way out of the dining and room and shouted, “I love pigs!”

I could hear the three of them chuckling and mumbling words such as, “She’s funny.” Or, “I don’t get her either.” And Emma saying, “She’s the weirdest person on planet.”

I headed to my room and slammed the door behind me, as hard as I could. I was surprised the door and wall were undamaged.

Those people were insane! It happened almost every day though, they kept telling me to control my urge of eating a lot. I knew what they were trying to do, they wanted me to realize that I was lacking of self-control when it comes to food. The thing was, I’d realize it long ago. They just never knew, and I didn’t know how to stop.

I loved them, my family. Mom, dad, and Emma too. Well, Emma could be sort of annoying sometimes. No, she was always annoying. But I loved her.

It’s just that something from inside of me forced me to believe that I was different, that I was not like my family or friends –or everyone else. I couldn’t help this feeling that forced me to keep eating. There were voices that could talk to me, something I had never told anyone.

‘You need the food.’

‘You’re not ordinary.”

‘Just eat.’

‘There is nothing to be worried about.’

‘No harm in consuming food.’

‘You won’t even be fat.’

‘Do not hesitate, food keeps you alive.’

I didn’t know if they were real, or it was just me convincing myself that it’s okay to eat a lot. But if they weren’t actually real, then nothing in my life would make sense.

I had loved eating like this since I was merely an infant (shocker!), but not once in my sixteen years of age, had I ever been diagnosed with diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, or other stuffs suffered by the obese.

I was a sixteen year old with an, probably unhealthy, obsession of food. Yet mysteriously, even to myself, I was in an ideal weight and height. I was five feet four, and weighed an exact 117 pounds.

I never had any problem doing sports, besides the fact that I didn’t really enjoy them. In fact, I was one of the fastest runner in my class.

How were those things even possible?

***

Four hours had passed after dinner. It was ten, and I was supposed to be sleeping. But I never slept before having at least a snack. I remembered Mom’s warning, but who cared?

‘One last snack.’

So I reached under my bed for my hidden Snickers bar, in case of emergency. I enjoyed the caramel taste and how the chocolate melted in my tongue. Tasted like heaven.

Then I laid on my bed and in what was barely twenty seconds, I fell in a deep sleep.

That was another thing about me, I would have no trouble sleeping. Ever.

***

The next morning, I had my usual breakfast.

Mom had prepared me a healthy fruit salad as well as a glass of milk. I had no problem eating them as I practically loved every kind of food, except pork, or anything that was made from pigs.

The voice had always told me, ‘do not consume pork.’ And I tried them once, I puked and had a fever for four days. So, that was the first and last time. Allergic, my parents had assumed.

But I never believed that. I’d thought it was something else.

That morning, after breakfast and sneaking a few handful of cornflakes into my mouth, I went back into my room to dress up for school.

First, I wore my dark blonde hair in a simple side braid, securing it with a pink ribbon. I put on my favorite pink shirt, which had the word ‘Cutie’ printed in a fade-ish black ink, and a dark purple shorts. I slipped into my black boots, with pink glitters, and slung my purple-pink bag on my shoulders.

Let the whole world think I was obsessed with pink and girly stuffs. Let them think I was the feminine, and pink-obsessed type of girl.

But I wasn’t. I had my own reasons for wearing pink, and it wasn’t something anyone would ever believe.

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⏰ Last updated: Jan 10, 2014 ⏰

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