Healing Scars.

Locked bathroom door

Kyler’s POV

I heard someone laughing so I opened my eyes. I saw Brandon standing in front of me.

“Wh-What do you want?” I stuttered. Chris was still asleep and I couldn’t deal with Brandon on my own. He was going to kill me if he gave me on of his brutal beatings.

“I don’t know why my brother flipped out about me calling you a queer. After all that’s what you are.” He whispered, threateningly.

I felt tears sting my eyes. I got up and ran away, trying to find a bathroom. After opening and closing at least five different doors I found a bathroom and locked myself inside. Tears started free falling down my face.

You’re so stupid.

You’re a fag.

Everybody hates you.

Chris likes me.

No he doesn’t. He’s a liar.

He’s giving you the sympathy vote because you’re fat.

I started sobbing quietly. Why did I have to be so messed up? Why couldn’t I like girls? I searched in my pockets for a new razor. I always carried one with me now. I rolled mu sleeve up and made eleven new cuts. I watched the blood pour from the cuts as I washed the razor and out it back in my pocket. I was about to clean my arms when there was a loud knock on the door.

“Kyler! Are you in there?” Chris’ voice was full of worry and I felt so bad. He didn’t have to be stuck with such a freak as myself.

“Yeah” I faintly yelled back. I finished cleaning my arm, rolled my sleeve down and opened the door.

“Why did you leave?” Ugh, I hated making him sad.”

“I had to um, wash my hands because I um…”

You even suck at lying. You’re an idiot.

I saw his eyes fill with worry again. “Tell me you didn’t” I hurried to say I hadn’t. “Then show me your arms”

Fuck.

If you weren’t so stupid this wouldn’t have happened. You’re hurting him. You’re disgusting.

I flinched when Chris touched my arm and rolled up my sleeve. Some of the fresh cuts were still bleeding and I just wanted to throw up. I thought he was going to yell at me, but he just hugged me by the waist. It wasn’t until I buried my head in his chest that I noticed he was crying.

“Why are you crying?” I mumbled.

“Because I hate seeing you hurt yourself. Was it… was it because of something said?”

I shook my head, surprised he would ever think any of that was his fault. “Brandon came and said…” I felt Chris’ heart beating fast. “He said I was a queer”

Chris pecked my lips and tried to smile, but I could see something was wrong; the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Come on, let me bandage that up.”

After he had covered the cuts with gazes he kissed me again and he had that weird smile. Like he was trying to look happy but wasn’t.

“What’s wrong?”

You know what’s wrong.

He hates you. You cut yourself in his bathroom.

You’re just a burden.

“I don’t think we should be together anymore” Chris said holding me.

I felt crushed. Chris was perfect. Why was this happening? I felt tears forming in my eyes my voice cracked as I asked why.

You know why.

You’re fat

No one could ever love you.

“I don’t want my brother to hurt you anymore. I don’t want him to… to be the one that’s making you do that” he said, nodding softly towards my bandaged up arm. “I love you Kyler, but I don’t think it’s right for you to be with me. You deserve better.”

I kissed him hard. Not even caring if Brandon walked in and saw us making out on the bathroom floor. I didn’t let him go until my lungs were on fire. “I love you too” I hadn’t realized I was crying until he wiped a few tears with his thumb. “Please don’t leave me”

“Are you sure you can handle being around Brandon?” he started playing with my hair nervously; maybe he was scared in case I said no but I nodded my head and kissed him again. “Then let’s go and have breakfast, boyfriend”

“Breakfast?”

Chris carried me bridal style to the kitchen, laughing. “Yes, sleepy head. It’s morning!” My stomach grumbled. “Looks like someone is hungry for pancakes.” He whispered in my ear.

I shook my head, trying to block the stomach ache. “I’m not hungry.”

“Please Ky Ky. You’re getting too thin. I promise it won’t make you fat. Please just eat something?” He gave me a puppy look and I sighed. Nodding my head and giving up in defeat I watched him flip the pancakes.

You’ll have to throw it up later.

(just a quick note to say i don't romanticise self harm or depression. If you're going through anything like this my twitter is @ptvjalex and my tumblr is johnlock-stole-my-tardis. stay strong beauties x)