File Name: Within Reach

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As I fiddled with my backpack zipper I realized my pin fell off. I kneeled down on the floor to try to reach for my pin that was underneath the chair. Thankfully we were against the large windows that they have at airports. But what sucked is that it was 20 minutes past midnight and I was about to leave in under a minute. Thanks to stress I really couldn't remember what my mother was telling me. I sat between her and my dad as my mother told me the story of when I was starting elementary school, I apparently, looked back to her and said, "It's ok, you can go now."

At the moment it made sense because she was telling me how she knew I would be fine on this trip of a lifetime because of my way of thinking and acting. Independent she said.

I found it cute as well but in hen sight, I probably seemed like the most bratty kid ever.

My mother was so proud and sad that her eldest was about to go somewhere where even she doesn't have a way of knowing if I will be ok or not. My dad was proud as well. Not sure how he expressed it to me at the time since it's been a while and I digress. But I remember a specific thing my brother said. "We're family, and as a family, we stick together even if we will be far from one another." Then, we linked arms and took a picture to show our bond.

After I got up and finally placed the pin back onto my backpack, I faintly heard the announcer say "Midnight flight for Seoul please come to the gate to go through security."

My heart sank.

It was time. Where I had to say goodbye and not see them for a whole year. My family, the people that I spent the majority of my life with. We as a family supported me leaving and it took much effort, for the plane ticket, and other expenses, I couldn't have done it without them.

The endless studying of the Japanese language, all by myself, with no actual teacher. I had inspiration from someone four years ago to pursue Japanese, that gave me books but that was it. Even though I didn't know how to read or write at all I really couldn't use them, but talking well, that's a different story. My speaking was better off then my writing but I hoped to improve that while on exchange. My family, who always got into arguments, and the people I've spent the hard times with. Were they going to be ok while I'm gone?

At this moment and time, I wasn't even thinking of myself but about them again. Like I usually do because like any other family we all have our own quirks but how we deal with the level of the situation, that's what really tests our own capability of problem-solving than compared to running away from the problem, I suppose.

I was strong and firm and I wanted to protect my family, but now I was running away not because I was scared, but because I wanted to improve myself and hopefully find what I truly want to do for the rest of my life in a different environment. In a different point of view entirely. "Far from it all." Echoed in my head as I took my first couple of steps away from my family.

"Far from it all", It repeated, half way there.

"From from them." It ended and made me feel sad yet, free.

This was the sensation I felt when I walked away...

I'm sorry.

I love you.