I never feel comfortable with being completely myself. I always feel like I have to hide something. I hate the way I am and I'm so embarrassed of myself. I know people say "Story of my life." when I say this but it's true. It's just who I am and how I feel. When I try to be myself around people I get embarrassed and so I don't show who I really am. I tried to be myself this weekend with my two best friends and all it did was turn them away. I'm so scared I'm gonna lose everybody and I don't know what to do. I don't wanna disappoint them but I'm so sick of not being me. All I want is my friends back. This weekend had good and bad in it. Making a bunch of new friends was great but my friends say its bad because they are all guys. It's not my fault that I get along better with guys than girls. With most girls I feel ugly and stupid. With the friends I made I was myself and I didn't feel ugly or stupid, I actually felt good inside like I was my own person. I'm insecure. I hate the way I look. I have stretch marks all over my thighs, my stomach is big, and I think I'm very ugly. I was picked on all the time in elementry with people saying I was ugly and weird and it's true. I dated more people than I expected too. I just liked the attention because they said I was pretty and I never thought anybody liked me. I guess that's why alot of people think bad things about me. Cursing and having an attitude isn't who I am. I do those things because everybody else I know does it and I don't wanna be different from them. I feel bad about the way I treat my family and how my grades are looking because I know I'm better than that. I hope I can get my friends back because I love and miss them like crazy. I just wanna go back to when I was little and make everything better. I miss myself. The real me. :'( I hope everything gets better.
Comment if you have any advice for me or if you have anything to say about this. This is not going to be a story, just a way to get my feelings out and clear my head.