All The Things I Wish I Could Say To You

12/15/16

Dear You, 

You know, I try so fricken hard. I cook for you, I clean for you, I paint nice things for you, hell, I even lie and say I'm wrong just to make you like yourself again. But it has got to stop. I finally told y'all how I feel and I'm so glad I got the balls to say it. You blew up at each other, cussing at each other when there was no fricken reason for all that and they you wanted to throw yourself a pity party and whine about me choosing sides when in reality, I'd rather had  stayed in that fricken house where I have to remember him than have ridden home with either of you.  You're both just hateful and I'm sick of being stuck in the middle of it just like on the fourth. You decide to one up each other and dig at each other and honestly being asked to pick one of your sides is like choosing between butt warts or blisters: neither is pleasant. So I'm glad I told you that you both suck when your both home and when one of you is gone it's great. I'm glad I told you that it feels like a personal attack every time you start fighting again after he leaves after you've pretended life is perfect while he was here. Because Hallelujah, the prodigal has returned! Give me a break, I work my butt off to be good enough for you and it never seems to be enough. I followed you around like a damn puppy when I was a kid. I sing like you do, I even played the same instrument in middle school band that you did. I am a straight-A student and I have never gotten in serious trouble at school. Yet, I never get any pat on the back, or good job hon, you done good. No, it's expected of me, because I set such high standards for myself. The child genius with wild potential. Who peaked in the second grade when she was the best student in her elementary school, the winner of the spelling be, shipped off to the smart kid academy once a week, crapping out fun facts like it was her life and wiping the floor with all the other girls in her dance class. Well guess what. Just because I like things other than the things I've chosen to matter most like school, singing, and dance, and to have an opinion that doesn't perfectly match yours doesn't make me less of a person. Just because I don't subscribe to your idea of perfection and I'm not like him doesn't make me less of a person. I deserve to be treated the same as you treat him, but no. You can't even let me live through the petty shit. You have to constantly take his side even when it doesn't make sense, and cry when I chose to take his side. You're so petty and jealous it makes me sick. I'm tired of this house and being treated like I'm second rate. I'm going to leave and you don't think that I'll go far away and you're wrong. So Wrong. I. Matter. Too. 

-me.