I Love You but I Don't Know || Im Jaebum

chapter one

"Happiness. It was the place where passion, with all its dazzle and drumbeat, met something softer: homecoming and safety and pure sunbeam comfort. It was all those things, intertwined with the heat and the thrill, and it was as bright within her as a swallowed star."

― Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke and Bone

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Sweat stuck to her skin as she danced. Even if she couldn't breathe, even if she felt faint and dizzy, she wouldn't stop. She would never.

But, you can't always do what your heart says.

The music around her rang loudly in her ears and in her head, till the point that she stopped dancing and doubled over in pain, covering her ears tightly. It was only than that she realised how tired she was, because her legs felt weak and her chest was so tight that it hurt when she breathed.

"Minae, you're alright, take a rest and stop dancing."

She looked up to see her friend walking towards her with a bottle of water and towel in her hand. Her friend had a concerned look splashed all over her face. But Minae shook her head. The JYP audition in Osaka was tomorrow, and she had to perfect it.

"I want to continue, " She stubbornly stood up, but her aching limbs didn't listen. Once again, she fell to the ground. But this time, darkness slipped quietly into her.

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Minae's POV

My hands trembled as I stepped into the audition room. This was it. There was no turning back, I just had to put in my best effort and get it done. I will be okay, I silently consoled myself with this mantra that suddenly came up in my head. I will be okay, I will be okay.

I faced three scary looking people, one among them was JYP, and my breath hitched "안녕하세요, 저는 사카모토미나에 입니다. 저는 일본사람 입니다.(Hello, I'm Sakamoto Minae, I'm Japanese)" I said with confidence. I was pretty fluent as I had picked up Korean when I was young after making friends with a Korean girl in elementary school.

"So, it's written here that you've applied for singing, rapping and dancing. Wow, okay, when you're ready, go ahead." One of the lady judges said without even looking at me. She was just staring at the piece of paper on the table.

I knew that if I hesitated anymore, I wouldn't be able to do it. So I took a deep breath, and started singing and dancing whatever I prepared, and lastly rapped 2PM's "I hate you". Throughout the song, I was thinking of 2PM's Taecyeon, who I fangirled so much over. As a result, I rapped much better than I expected. I think I did quite well.

I ended the song and bowed. I looked up at the judges, fighting the urge to bite my nails. It was a habit that I do whenever I was extremely nervous.

"Wow" I heard JYP say and a little hope crept up me.

"You're really talented! Your dancing can be improved, but I was really impressed by your rapping and singing!"JYP said with a smile. My heart skipped a beat. Wow, he was impressed? I looked down for a moment while glancing back up, curious to see what the other judges thought.

But before any judges could say anything, JYP announced," You're accepted. "

"Please go outside and our staff will pass you a consent form, make sure your parents see it, and if you're ready, sign the form and go to the headquarters in Seoul! Looking forward to seeing you."

What just happened? I'm..... I'm accepted? My fingers went up to my trembling lips involuntarily, but I caught myself just in time and pushed them away. I thanked the judges with a big smile on my face and left the room, hearing a few whispers from the auditionees outside.

"Woah, she's pretty! I wish I was her.."

"Ew, did that girl get accepted? She's probably not even talented."

I ignored all the whispers. I didn't matter, I was accepted, I was accepted! I left the place and almost screamed on the streets on the way back home.

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"お母さん！お父さん！(Mom! Dad!)" I shouted as I opened the house door. "I got accepted!"

Tears was flowing down my cheeks and I didn't bother to hold them back. I was too happy. "That's great. We're so so proud of you. We'll always be here supporting you." Mom said as she hugged me. I hugged her back and through my tears, I could see Dad smiling brightly at me.

Awhile later, they signed the form and I was scheduled to fly off the next week.

A warm feeling surged into me, but the coldness stayed. My heart ached as I thought of leaving my family and live in another country. And it ached more, because I know my parents were silently hiding their sadness behind a proud smile.