LateNight Thoughts

Never-ending Loop

2016 is almost over...
Can't believe it happened so fast..
And yeah, my bucket list?
Lol there's still a whole bunch of stuff I haven't done.
But it's all cool cuz I can wait *smiles*
But I did find the special someone I wanted to meet this year...and so, it has been the best year of my life, no kidding.
He's amazing...
He turns my skies from grey to blue in one second...
He's my bad boy *laughs*
And every girl wants a bad boy that will be good just for her *winks*
He completes me... he's like the missing piece I needed to function ♥
The way he hugs me from behind and whispers "you're mine", the way the writes those little love letters saying heartmelting words, the way he makes me breathless... he's perfect.
...
...
...
This is the chapter I was going to publish...
Sounds perfect, right?
No hesitations, no nothing...
I thought it was perfect...maybe it was...but it was unreal...like all of this.
You meet a guy and then boom! He's the love of your life...suddenly you don't mind his flaws and his imperfections...you think "oh I love him" "Gosh he's amazing" "I wish we were together"...
But..reality hits you hard.. and then your world crashes with the words "used", "fuck buddies", "friends with benefits", "she's not real", repeating themselves in your head over and over again.
Maybe he didn't want you to fall...maybe he didn't want to be there to catch you when you did...
And then...you break.

You realise that maybe, your pieces were not from the same puzzle...

And you start shrugging and saying "I don't know" to every question someone asks...because you think "oh whatever they don't care and I don't want them to,"....you close up with walls all around you to protect you from heartbreaks and any shitty problem in the whole world.
And you think "maybe he'll come..maybe someone will come to rescue me" because you've always been selfless putting other people first...

You start shrugging and saying "Idk" to everyone, because you don't want them to know you.
And that breaks you more.
You become numb.
No feelings no hurting, right?
And your only wish for New Year is for never to fall hard for someone again...because you're already sure the same thing will happen over and over again...
like a never-ending loop.