Happy birthday to me

12/12/16
Dear Diary,

'Worthless'
'Stupid'
'Loner'
'Freak'
'Strange'
'Weak'
'Faggot'

I'm used to the names by now. I get called them everyday, It's nothing new. I've been called every name under the sun. An 'Emo freak'. How i'm depressed and ugly, unwanted and disowned. I have no friends. Always the last picked for sport, projects, partners and I always walk alone wherever. I know that no one likes me, they never have, and i've grown to live with that.
It'll never change.

13/12/16
Dear Diary,

My mother, Kuchel was her name, died when i was 6. She was ill, we were poor and couldn't afford treatment. However, she always put my care and health before her own.  She gave me most of her food, made sure I was well fed. I knew that she would leave me one day from a young age, though I didn't understand the concept of death completely. I remember coming home from playing outside, and I see her lying on the bed. Unmoving. Motionless. Dead. I didn't leave her side for days, I just sat there looking over at her. Wishing for her to come back. After all, I couldn't do this on my own. I find myself wondering what she would think if she saw me today. Wondering if she would know about the name-calling and bullying. Would she even care?

14/12/16
Dear Diary,

My father, well I never knew him. I got told by my mother that he wasn't relevent. She never gave me an identity to go by, i've never had a father figure to look up to. What I do know is that i was a mistake, I wasn't meant to be here and i'm not wanted. An accident. A result of drinking probably. A one night stand without precautions. No wonder no one likes me.

15/12/16
Dear Diary,

After my mother died, my uncle, Kenny, takes me into his care. He was an asshole. He didn't care about me. Treated me as if i was an object, I hardly got fed. When i did, it was horrible, bland food which I could hardly digest. I went weeks without food or water sometimes, left to grow weak and underweight. He liked that though, seeing me on deaths doorstep struggling to stay alive. I wished i was dead sometimes. He abused me daily, hitting me if i did something wrong-which was quite often. He was the source of my depression, He caused me to feel worthless, used, broken, strange and alone. He's the reason why i'll never have friends, He's the reason why i'll die alone.

16/12/16
Dear Diary,

I lived a life of despair and fear for about 9 years, until i was 15. In highschool one day, I remember being called out of history to go to the main office. I don't question it, i thought it was just a surprise appointment. I was wrong however. They told me that my uncle had been shot dead earlier that morning for some reason i don't remember. I couldn't care less about him though, but i try to act emotional just to seem normal. I don't want them to see through my fake identity. I'm allowed to leave school and take time off to take things in and recover from the shock.

17/12/16
Dear Diary,

Today at school, we had a project to complete for History. We were asigned partners to work with, I knew that no one would want to go with me. My partner I was assigned with was called Eren. He was the 'popular boy' that was friends with everyone. Except me. He's never even talked to me, although I see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye sometimes. Sometimes I wonder what he's thinking behind those jade orbs called 'Eyes'.

18/12/16
Dear Diary,

Eren's coming over soon. We need to work on the project as soon as we can, our asshole of a teacher set the due date for a week. I don't know why I haven't dropped out yet honestly. I think I just heard a knock on the door. Yes I did, bye.

19/12/16
Dear Diary,

Yesterday was fun. Today was fun. It seems Eren has become 'Friends' with me. I hope he doesn't leave me like everyone else has in my life. Today he invited me to sit on his table at lunch. Nope. Nope. Not today. I swear i saw a frown on his face when i declined though. Cute, i'm making him sad. Me of all people. Good god.