My new father just left the room and i'm here with basically...a stranger. I do not know either of them. what have I gotten myself into. simply running away would have been better. living on my own and shit.
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my mother sighs in disbelief . the woman I would like to believe is about to give me a better life is probably deciding if she should take me back. i'm not worth this lady's time. I have so much wrong with me. I'm anorexic, i'm malnourished not to mention I have problems with my heart. I'm too much.
as I am thinking about all of this she speaks.
"i want you to know..i'm here for you. for all you barely know me. You probably know me more from my work than you do personally. A barrier. yes, but we can work through this..." I cut her off
"look lady, I know I don't know you and that's okay. Your life will be way easier when I leave. I'm a drifter. once i'm out, i'm out. I do not want to cause you any problems . you seemed to have a cool life like 24 hours ago. its been a day and I kinda already fucked it up. trust me, you'll be better off" as I said that i realized that I was too confident, i'm terrified.
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she speaks to me as if I am a boyfriend or a fling of some sort. How is this little child, barely born into this world telling me that I will be better off if I just let her go?
"listen little one, your whole life you have been abused and neglected. you have had to bare that on your own. share it with me. or better yet let me do it all by myself. ill take time off work, ill get you caught up on school, well shop. your life is going to be grand, because I am not going to let anyone hurt you. you are my baby. I made the mistake of letting you leave once, sure as hell not letting it happen again. what do you say?" I say with my whole heart
"my heart is broken to listen to that. I don't want to hurt you guys anymore. I want it to just be us girls for awhile. I cant get used to two people at once. I want you to hold me when I am sad and scared, I also want you to yell at me when I am in trouble without having to in force your anger with hits. I want you to love me like no one has ever before. if you give me a second chance, ill take you up on your offer." she says as if she she really knows what her mind is telling her.
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I want this. I do. I have to trust her, trust my mom. tuck my heart away and let my brain lead, she is the most logical and rational choice. I will love her.
YOU ARE READING
Your Biologically Mine
FanfictionWhen sweet 13 year old, Arizona Ferward finds out she is adopted, she can't help but switch to a mode that she has never been before. Do her real parents love her? Will she find them?
