Aphrodite

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Aphrodite

"Aphrodite" goddess of love beauty and pleasure. Quite a name to live up to right?

My mother always use to tell me that she could never think of a name before I was born, and that when she saw me the first thing that came to mind was Aphrodite.

A dark brown baby with a full head of hair & big brown eyes that glowed every time she looked into them.

She said it was a beauty indescribable and if there were a name to define it...it was absolutely Aphrodite.

I was youngest of 5, 3 girls and 2 boys. Rasheed & Rasheeda, my eldest twin brother and sister.

Then it was my brother Akeem and my sister Akeelah,

and last but not least it was I, Aphrodite.

Although I was the youngest & was shown quite a bit of favoritism, childhood was rough for me very rough.

I grew up without my father, I was the only child in the household to grow up without out a father considering that the twins had their father, R.j who was a construction worker. Akeem and Akeelah had their father, Akeele who was a correctional officer. Both men whom had a great deal of presence in their children's lives.

And then again there was me, no father which meant any gifts I received on Christmas, birthdays and any other days came straight out of my mother's pockets.

That wasn't the only thing that made it rough, but it definitely was a contribution.

I was also quite dark, had a full set of lips and big brown eyes. Hair full of kinks and twist that would confuse you if you tried to follow them.

I was often told that I looked like a voodoo doll by kids in my neighborhood.

They called me charcoal,
Midnight, and many other names.

Many of those kids were black themselves. Talk about unity right?

My mother also had a boyfriend, Quincy. He appeared to be her match made in heaven, but unfortunately that was not the case. That's a story for later though.

My mother was a 365 day parent, which meant she had no days off, when she came home from work she took care of us. When she had days off of work...she still took care of us. When we were sick, she was there for us...when she was sick...she was still there. I think you get the point.

So juggling two jobs, 5 kids, rent plus other bills & sometimes church on Sundays, my mother did the best she could.

My brothers and sisters often felt that she showed more love to me than them.

And maybe that was true, but I always felt like, that they had it 50/50, 50% love from their fathers', 50% love from our mother. Which then makes 100% concluding the fact that they loved them equally.

The love I got from my mother, included the love I lacked from my father.

A lot of math I know.

As you can tell my fathers absence caused quite a disturbance in my childhood.

When I was little I would always ask my mom if "I did something wrong" to make him not want to be in my life...

my mother would always reply, "Baby there were a lot of mistakes made, but you were not one of them."

Then she would shrug and leave it at that, and my mother wasn't too fond of being questioned so I didn't push any further.

I just always assumed that maybe I was too young to understand, and that God blessed me with one loving parent and that was all I needed.

Sometimes I wondered if growing up without my father affected my relationship with men.

I wondered a lot throughout my years, as I reflected back on many decisions I made.

But there's one decision I won't forget...the moment i chose ME.