I could be demanding sometimes, be irrational, be selfish, be worst.
Everything, but i can't be what everyone needs. I've grown used to being alone, being the one who says sorry even if its not my fault, being understanding, being silent.
I feel sorry for myself, cause I'm already tired of being left behind. Having no purpose even in my own home. That's why i find it hard to say all the things i want to say, to be the one to surrender, to be optimistic.
I let you see the side of me that no one has ever discovered, i would be glad if you tell me that somehow you know me too well, the way i talk, i dress, i laugh, i smile, what i feel, that would be great, ofcourse.
I thought you were handling all of me so well, but i guess I'm just too hard to handle but easy to be replace. I'm not complaining. Its definitely my fault for not being good enough as a friend and a being. I'm not saying this so you could feel pity for me, but to let you know how important you and everyone around me to my life. I'm just so difficult. I'm holding back every-time i want to open up, its what I'm good at, faking what I truly feel.
I'm sorry if you feel unwanted because of my words.
I'm sorry that I can't do anything to lessen your sadness every time you cry.
I'm sorry that I can't be qualified as a shoulder to cry on, the friend who knows all what you're talking about, the one who always have an exciting story and adventure to tell. I'm a downer, just so i could push myself up every time I'm crumbling apart.
All this time i thought I've fixed myself already, but for the past few years only then that I realized that I'm only halfway yet I'm on my way back to zero once again. It's OKAY...No worries.
I want to thank you for you made my life be less unbearable.
Thank you and I'm sorry.
—RMD
