Peace.
The feeling I felt could only be described in one word: peace. Closed were my burning eyes, I began to rely on my other senses that were seemingly numb to the environment that surrounded me, untill I realized I stood alone on an edge of a building. A few days, hours or even minutes ago, I would have never done something this extreme.
"I must've finally snapped...", Echoes through my once silent thoughts. My hair flowed in the soft wind, twisting and turn every which way.
"One step." Two words slowly started to burn in my once silenced ears. It was if I had a single moment of clarity, this would all end in one step. Suddenly muffled shouts sounded. I wanted to turn, I started to, giving in to curiosity; however, as if I were hypnotized, the edge called to me. I turn once again, giving it all my attention. Slowly raising my arms, embracing the wind, which seemed to grow stronger with every passing second. Another muffled voice sounded, only it was closer this time. My heart started to beat faster untill it roared in my ears. The words one step screamed in my ears, a new batch of tears made their way to my eyes, only with them came an new emotion, fear.
"It can all end, just one step. That's all it takes." , a voice said. I took a shaky breath. I couldn't hold it off any longer, I had to continue if I ever wanted the pain to end. I lifted my foot to take the infamous one step. My body slowly started to tilt into empty air. As if Mother Nature herself had wanted to end my life, the wind blew behind me, coaxing my body forward.
"I'm ready.", I smiled as bittersweet tears flowed out of my eyes.
Suddenly, two strong arms made their way around my waist. As if those arms held the key to my existence, my world, my entire persona came to. My world, which had grown dark and grey was once again filled with light and color. Reality came roaring back. A clear deep, beautiful voice made it's way into my ears bringing me back to the life I had just tried to escape from.
"You're okay, it's okay. I'm here. Your safe now." Thats voice, held such fimilularity. Then the darkness that had seemed to devour my very soul started to force it's way back, like the unpleasant guest it was. Matthew? No, it couldn't be. My eyes snapped open. I turned my head to find none other than his dark blue eyes. The eye's I thought I would only be able to see in old photographs. Matthew? I hugged him tightly, bringing my face into the crook of his neck. I breathed him in, his scent of Earth and musky cologne. I started to sob uncontrollably. The smell that I tried to preserve for so long, the smell that was fading from his clothes that still hung in his closet, and yet here it was fresh and so profound it almost stung. Mathew.
"I love you, with all that I am." I forced my cracking hollow voice to say. He moved my head and rested his forehead against mine, and looked deep into my eyes. His eyes seemed to smile at me yet, I still could see all of the sadness they held.
"Wake up." He whispered painfully. I looked at him with confusion. He moved his lips towards mine until they softly caressed them. Then all at once he was pulled away.
Reality swarmed back in my head. The darkness once again entered my very soul. My eyes flew open. My entire body buzzed with yearning. Another dream. I turned to face the clock. 3:20 am. I felt a tear run down my cheek, to join the others I didn't even know were there. It wasn't real. He really is gone. I sat on the edge of the bed. The feeling what could only be described as numb. I looked at the nightstand which held a picture of us. Matthew. His blue eyes pierced my heart like a bullet piercing skin, once again the raw aching came. I grabbed the photo. My fingers laced the frame. I thought about the building, how the peace called to me. How it coaxed me. How tired I was of the emptiness that had enveloped my life. How in Just one step all of my problems would be solved.
