Holidaze (camren)

4. Be Mine

I've never loved Valentine's Day. It always felt forced and awkward, like you had to hang out with your boyfriend for social purposes even if you didn't want to. If that was one of my biggest concerns at the time than I had really nothing to complain about. I could have been dealing with far bigger issues than whether or not I wanted to have a free dinner and get chocolates.

The elephant in the room was getting larger and larger and pretty soon it was unavoidable. It was only a matter of time before Camila was able to find a suitable opening to throw the issue out there.

"So, what are you and Naill doing for Valentine's Day?" Camila asked me from her spot on the carpet. She was working on a presentation for French and needed the floor space.

"Don't," I warned her lightly.

I could tell that it had been on the tip of her tongue numerous times. Each and every time I'd somehow find a way to change the subject before she could question my plans for the D-day. I was too busy working on my math problems on top of her bed to see that she had her contemplative look on.

"I'm just making conversation," she replied, trying all too hard to sound less curious than she really was.

I was also dying to know what Shawn had planned for her but I bit my tongue whenever the question was threatening to roll out of my mouth. We didn't need the complexity. It was already too much that we'd been spending more time with each other than our actual boyfriends, ditching them the second a better offer came along, and that was just about every time Camila would text me. We had a system and it kind of worked. It was simple, we just didn't bring up the boys.

I never expected to find myself jealous over the silly little things. The sight of them singing a duet together boiled my blood, seeing his arm around her in the hallway made me turn and walk the other way, and even his dumb goofy smirk made me cringe because Camila was making him look like that. How did I go from being his girl, to being jealous of Camila, to being jealous of Shawn? It didn't make sense on any level.

I constantly worried if Camila was feeling the same way when she'd see me and Naill act in a similar manner. It was actually on my mind more than I cared to admit. Was she jealous too? Did I even have a reason to be jealous? The indecisiveness surrounding us was exhausting. I'd love to have firm answers, I just wasn't ready for the rejection I would feel if things didn't go my way.

Because the truth was, I liked Camila. I liked her a lot. I liked her so much that I would rather just be her friend than put myself out there only to be shot down. As infuriating as Normani was, she made some valid points. Camila was never going to leave Shawn, no matter how unhappy she was in their relationship. Shawn provided her with security and protection that I couldn't always offer her.

"Then let's talk about the weather," I told her from my laying position before going back to my text book. I'd been reading the same problem for maybe twenty minutes. I was retaining none of it.

"It's raining," she deadpanned, "I just wanted to see if Naill had anything special planned, that's all," she shrugged.

She had this way about her to make her seem so innocent, that would make me feel guilty for being the way I was, even if she was the one breaking our silent agreement.

"Fine," I huffed and closed my text book as if it was killing me that my studying was being interrupted, "Naill is taking me out for a nice romantic evening, dinner and a movie."

"You don't sound too particularly thrilled about it."

I wasn't. I hated Valentine's Day. It may have been a real holiday but it still felt overrated. It was predictable and borderline boring. I wanted some kind of spontaneity not forced romanticism. I wanted to receive flowers from someone because it was a nice gesture, I wanted a teddy bear that was won at a carnival after the person blew $20 trying to win it for me, I wanted chocolates and secret love letters just because. To me, the best dates were ones that were unplanned, they were the random nights that turned into something special, something more.