Just A Kiss (A Jaspar Fic) [Discontinued until Editing Is Complete]

10.

Joe's POV

It had been two days since Caspar left. I didn't bother calling him because I was mad. At first i thought it was my fault our friendship had to go downhill like this. But now I realozed how he was equally responsible. I mean he didn't even give me a chance to explain myself. He just left. In a bout of anger I vowed to myself that I would forget him. And that lasted for about 5 minutes. At least I tried to forget him. I really did. But how could I, when everything in this house made me think about him. The Foosball table, his room, his "office", the basement, basically everything. Everything in this house was tainted by his memories and I just couldn't let him go.

Anger was a better emotion than feeling torn. So I took every opportunity I got of me feeling angry towards him. At first it was just pretend. A mask I wore to make myself un-feel the pain. But now I actually was angry with him, even furious if you may say.
People say that “If you believe a lie, it becomes the truth.” And I was holding on to that quote as my motto for now.

Right now I was sitting on my bed, setting up my video camera to make a video about letting my fans know about why I was barely on any social media lately. Of course I wasn't going to tell them the exact truth, even though they deserved to know it. I couldn't do that to myself, knowing exactly how much hate I would get for that. And I wasn't prepared for that, at least not now.

I began the video with my typical greeting with a cheerful smile, even though I was feeling dead inside. I tried my best to hide the truth and not let it show on my face. Caspar did take away a part of me when he left... a part that was never going to return until he did.

Anyways, so I went on with saying that I wasn't feeling my best these days and that I would be back with full force on the next Sunday. I told them that I needed this week for myself and that I hoped they understood it. I ended the video by telling them that I loved all of my fans and that I couldn't be more thankful to them for always having my back.

It was a 5 minute video but it took a lot of courage for me not to break down. I had to keep my best face to prove to Caspar that I didn't care about him. He could go fuck himself. Feeling better about my video I posted it without editing it much to make it look more honest. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders as I got that task out of the way. For the first time in the past couple of days, I felt good.

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Caspar's POV

I was a mess. I couldn't stop thinking about Joe. It was killing me to not go back there and beg him for forgiveness. He hated me. I knew that for sure. And I couldn't risk to get my heart broken again if he kicks me out. I just couldn't.

I was currently living in a hotel room, I had most of my stuff with me, my clothes, my laptop, some other random stuff that belonged to me and one of Joe's T-shirt. I remembered the day I wore it as a joke and it was left there in my room ever since then. Joe didn't ask for it and I didn't give it back. It was like a souvenir from a better time. I hugged it to myself and sighed. I had to move on.

I dug into my pockets to fetch my phone when I caught hold of a key. It was the key to our house. I clenched it in my fist and decided to return it to him. I had to let him go. He doesn't deserve the kind of negativity I brought to his life. He is the literal sun and lately he lost all his shine, all because of me. Just thinking about what my presence did to him made me hate myself. I had to leave him, for him. And I knew that I would do anything just to see him smile again. That was the only way I knew that I would be able to convince myself to let him go.

I took a deep breath, his happiness came before mine and I was willing to sacrifice not seeing him again just to make him happy.

But before strolling back to my parent's house, I had to inform them first. I got my phone out and decided to call them. My mom was always quick to pick up my phone and at this moment, I was especially thankful for that. I didn't know how long I could hold it all inside me, the urge to let all my emotions out was getting stronger as the seconds ticked by. She finally picked up the phone at the 6th ring. Yes, I was counting. She greeted me with a cheerful voice and I could just imagine the huge smile she might have had at seeing me call her. I barely called her these days and the hope in her voice made me realize just how much I missed her. I took a deep breath and tried to match her enthusiasm at replying but failed miserably when my voice cracked halfway through the simple word 'Hello'. I closed my eyes, praying that she doesn't notice but it was all in vain. I could practically see her smile dropping. Great, I made another person unhappy today. It didn't take her long to shower me with questions. I tried to answer her slowly, but she just went on and on. The longer I took me to reply the more worried she got. This was so not how I wanted it to go.

"Mom-mom listen to me. MOM!"

She finally stopped talking. I knew I was being harsh on her but there was no other way I could make her listen to me. I started out slowly, my voice barely a whisper but she heard me alright, judging by her constant gasps and sighs. I told her that I messed up big time. I knew she was dying to know what I did but if I told her then, then I wouldn't be able to hold back my tears. I needed to have a clear head for now.

So I told her that I wanted to come back, I didn't know for how long. She was surprised at that, her gasp making it easier for me to grasp her reaction. I completely understood that reaction. But what surprised me was that she didn't pry. She was extremely understanding given the situation and welcomed me back home, promising me that everything would work out. I gave out a bitter laugh at that. She told me to keep faith in myself and hope for the best. Her voice was so soft and suddenly I missed her so damn much. I wanted to hug her and forget about all my troubles. Her hugs were always the best, somehow she was always warm and cozy and just the perfect shoulder to cry on. We both fell silent, having nothing to talk about but still wanting each others' company, even if we were miles apart. I looked around having nothing better to do and my eyes fell on the apartment keys, sitting on the counter. I sadly remembered how I had to return it to Joe, even the the thought making my heart twist with pain. I regrettably told mom goodbye, my voice easily showcasing the pain in my heart. She said goodbye, telling me that she still loved me no matter what I did and was waiting eaglerly for my arrival. I hung up after that, and held the keys in my hand and thought, 'What wouldn't I give to go back in time, and erase all my mistakes?' But sadly, it's not that easy. I had to live with my mistakes and now that I think about it, I deserved it. I deserved to suffer after what I did to him.

A/N
I'm kinda iffy about his chapter,  but wanted to post nevertheless. This chapter showcases the insight on both of their situations, how each of them coped with it. Hoped you liked it! Thanks for still reading after 10 chapters! Love y'all so much!

Sidenote: I was just rereading Freak, the Troyler AU and fell in love with that book all over again. If you guys haven't already read it, do it. Right now. It's awesome.

Also I wanna thank candycat02 for always voting on my chapters no matter how shitty they are. Thanks, fam!

Okay I'll stop now. Don't forget to vote and leave a comment if you liked! Byeeee xoxo