Love. Lust. Lost.

Afraid

The frosty winter signaled that it was time for the annual snapshot / Instagram worthy carnival in the park. Its theme? Everything that shouted "Christmas" but nothing religious. I was in my cozy north face jacket, holding Matt's hand. His gaze was fixed on me and I wondered if I'd be able to tell him.
"We can get the hot cocoa that everyone is putting on snapchat." I smiled at him and reminded him that they were called Frozens. He gave me his boyish grin then said, "lets get the Frozens then we can head towards the ticket booth and go on every. Single. Ride." There were only a few that weren't reserved for children but I nodded anyways. As we waited in line for the hot cocoa, I thought to myself. We have been dating for a little over a year and I hadn't mentioned that I hated roller coasters, ferris wheels, or anything predicting my death. Heck, I'd rather shave off my hair than go on any of those crazy rides and that was saying something, considering my love for my auburn hair. As we got closer to the ticket booth, I stopped and held Matt's sleeve. Matt turned around.

"Yeah?" I chewed on the inside of my lip.
"I don't get it Matt. Why would you want to feel that adrenaline, the scary feelings? Wanna feel some 'adrenaline'? Listen to your mom's drunken screams at 4am. Wash the dishes the next morning and have her suddenly yell at you for ever existing. I'm not saying that's fun but baby I can't and won't make myself feel like I'm dying again. Nope."
I didn't realize that I was crying until he wiped away my tears, looking at me and understanding in the way he always did. I bit my lip, what were we going to do now? Matt surprised me by giving her a warm kiss.
"I'll protect you baby. Now let's go to dave & busters instead."
We finished our drinks and then I asked someone to take a picture of us. It was in front of the ferris wheel.

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I hope you enjoyed (: if something doesn't make sense please let me know (grammatical errors) Thank you for reading this ❤