smoke and sins | park jimin /hiatus/

chapter 8 | friends

Why am I like this?

I thought about this question whilst I fell, landing on left arm on the front. Pain. Pain was all I could feel.

You should have accepted the help. You made the situation worse. ("Accepting help makes you vulnerable, daughter," appa's voice scolded. "It makes you weak. Are you weak, like your mother?")

I'm fine. I'm fine!

That's why you're on the ground.

Shut up.

I tried to get up but I couldn't. I lay there on the floor, motionless. I was so close to letting a tear escape. ("Tears are signs of inferiority, daughter.")

Try again Lee Jae-Eun, try again.

I just couldn't.

What are you going to do?

I don't know, I don't.

I sighed. Pain shot up me. Even sighing hurt. I lay on the ground and let one tear slip, followed by another and another until I couldn't see the ground in front of me, just appa's disappointed face.

I hate myself. I hate myself for not being strong, I hate myself for disappointing everybody.

You are a horrible person, everybody hates you. Even yourself. No one is going to help you, not even Jimin.

I took big, shuddering breaths. Calm down, just calm down...

"Lee Jae-Eun."

Park Jimin. Help me. Please.

"Yeah."

"Oh shit."

I felt his hands lifting me up and half-carrying me back to the school building. I sobbed into his shoulder.

《》

Jimin lead me to the infirmary (it was empty) and sat me down on the bed. He informed me that the boys were waiting outside and that they were quite worried. I looked into his eyes and saw the worry in his eyes. I then dragged my gaze to his shoulder. There was a massive patch of tears.

"Sorry about that," I murmured, pointing at his shoulder.

"It's okay. Let me see your knees."

I showed him my knees and we were engulfed in a deafening silence.

Strange isn't it? Only knowing him for one day and he's taking care of you.

Yeah. It is. Strange.

Suddenly, in the midst of the silence, he spoke.

"Lee Jae-Eun. I need to remove your socks. Is that fine?"

"Yeah." I whispered, clenching my bloodied fists.

He quickly peeled my socks off and threw them into the bin. I shouldn't complain, it would be like trying to clean blood of my underwear when I'm on that special time of month.

Ew, that comparison was gross.

It's true though.

Jimin from out of nowhere had rubbing alcohol in his hands and a towel.

"This is gonna obviously sting so be ready. On the count of three?"

I nodded.

"Three."

A stinging sensation encircled my knees and I bit the inside of mouth until I could taste the blood.

"You stupid person, you can't say on the count of three and begin on three." I muttered, smiling a little bit.