the Book of Twist

❦❧Nine - Thieves❦❧

A little word of advice- movies lie to you, ladies and gentlemen. There is no head-butting spree with no pain.

The pain was excruciating.

I had hit the policeman hard enough only to daze him, and I believe I was more dazed still. Stars flashed in front of my eyes, and I suddenly could not tell which way was up nor whether this said guard had three eyes or one.

In the end it wasn't I who knocked the poor guard out. I was otherwise preoccupied with discovering that the ground was quite hard with my face, rolling around on the floor and gripping my head, whimpering pathetically.

No, it was Albert who did the deed. And not only did Albert knock him cold without mercy, but he did so with the rock-like substance that was his meal. Karma really was a bitch.

I blinked up at him with blurry vision as my poor guard collapsed into a helpess heap, not quite piecing together that the brutish man before me was the voice of the adulterer shoe-shiner a few cells down. It wasn't until he spoke that I even realized it was him.

"So, this is our fancy lady? You ain't much of a choker, but yer skull is pretty darn thick. Poor sod ain't even had a chance." He prodded the guard with his boot.

Albert the Criminal Shoe-shiner had a receding harline of blond fuzz atop his head and funny sideburns. Somehow, I could register that much. I smiled at him dizzily.

"I think I like you, Albert."

He seemed taken aback, but even through the haze of growing a large lump on my forehead, I swore I could detect a hint of pink to his large ears. "Why thank you, ma'am. Hear that Marjy? This here lady likes me."

"Fancy theres skull's been terribly injured, Albert. She ain't in 'er right mind."

Albert shook his head at her, as if giving up all hope on Marjolaine. "Shall we escape or summin? That was the plan, right?"

Then Marjolaine finally asked the question I had only just realized. "Albert, how in the name of all that's holy in this here earth did yous get that key?"

My head was starting to clear, and at those words I focused past Albert to see a key sticking out of the ajar cell door. One lone key, and from it dangling a circlet of others. The guard had left it in his hurry to come in.

Albert grinned. "The sod ain't nearly as intelligent as me, I is smart, I is. Once the copper got into me cell to take me food, he went and turned his back on me. Can you believe it? Just turned bloody right tail like that, right on a shoe-shiner!" He shook his head in disbelief, as if disgusted at the guard's nerve. "Never turn yer back on a shoe-shiner. Us fellas are bloody dangerous, you know? Very shady business I deal in, it is."

"I don't doubt it," I muttered, glancing at the crumpled guard. At least he was breathing, after all the blunt-force trauma to his head. I actually felt really quite bad about everything, considering how kind he'd seemed.

"So then I saw me an opportunity, I did. With me keen eyes, I seen the key he'd been using for me cell. Kept it loose with them keys, easy to slip on and slip'em off. His belt was right there, and while he was replacing them bowls, I slipped out the key from his belt, just like that. What a copper he is! Bloody boy couldn't even tell he'd been blagged by me old self."

Pity welled in my chest for the poor guard, but I couldn't think about that now. I hurriedly grabbed the rest of the cell keys from the door and slipped his pistol from the holster (slightly delighted despite myself) and then ran to Marjolaine's cell, where she was eagerly hopping from foot to foot, with excitement like a caged animal sighting freedom on the horizon.

This was where I was forced to pause, staring at the jumbled mass of keys. I could see now up close where Albert must've slipped off the key; there was a very slight parting in the circlet, just barely big enough for the keys."Which one?"

Marjolaine gestured impatiently with her hands. "Theys numbered! Theys should be numbered! Eight, cell eight."

I glanced nervously to the direction of the guards door, but no sound had yet emanated from it. Where were the rest of the police?

When I finally found the key with the eight engraved into it, I slipped it into the lock and turned. It popped open with a slight shriek, causing a dash of alarm to spike through me. It was the same adrenaline rushing through my veins that I'd gotten whenever Sammy and I had pranked at school- perking on the edge, the line between the disaster of getting caught and the absolute triumphant joy of getting away.

Marjolaine brushed past me once it was open and came down upon the fallen guard in my cell like a crow upon dead prey. When she stood again, she was now wielding his baton.

"Not me first choice of weapon," She announced as she pushed me and Albert along the hall. "But it'll do." She then glanced at me lopsidedly, with a suggestive smirk. "Yous sure ya ain't no strumpet? With that act right there, I've got me doubts, fancy."

I grinned secretively, and then glanced down at the heavy weapon now resting in my palm. Right. A pistol.

I was holding a pistol.

Who thought it was a good idea to give me a pistol?

"Albert," I said, holding the gun out to him. "Merry Christmas!"

He took it from me with a confused look. "Mary who?"

I shook my head. "Just- do you know how to shoot?"

"Of course." He almost looked offended. I nodded.

"Good. We might need it."

Apparently, we were not the only ones up to trouble in Jade-Port. As Albert peeked through a crevice in the door, his pistol at the ready, muffled but angry voices were heard, causing us all except Marjolaine to nearly jump out of our skins.

She threw us a cocked eyebrow and then shouldered Albert out of the way so she could peep through.

I was right over her shoulder, pressing in to hear what the fuss was about. They obviously could not know we were out of our cages yet.

I could only catch snippets of their hurried, frantic voices.

"-sky thieves-"

"-marketplace-"

"-jewels-"

"-from His Highness' caravan-"

"Ooh, lookie here. Looks like them thievies got our little Princie's knickers in a twist."

Albert snickered, whispering. "He ain't a knickers sort of man, Marjy. More like bloomers."

The sound of scuffling feet, snappy commands and clicking weapons could be heard before a final slam of the door. The voices died down.

"One left," Marjolaine whispered. "Whosever them thievies are, theys been sent from the heavens."

I tilted my head, birdlike. An entire police department for a couple of theives?

"Or hell."