School never pleases me. To be honest, does school please anybody? Though for me, it's a world full of bullies and hurtful words. They all seem ungrateful with the fact that i'm different. I like to be a hopeless romantic and dream of a perfect love story, but my fellow classmates tell me differently. They see the hurt and fear in my heart and never loose the chance to tell me that no one will ever love me or see me as I truly want to be seen. They make me doubt myself and maybe i'm just in love with the idea of being a hopeless romantic. Maybe I am incapable of showing someone desire. I walk into my first classroom with my shoulders shrugging and my head bent down. Most days, I like to go unnoticed and remain silent. Though, not today. This guy named Mark who always sits in front of me, turns his chair abrubtly and whispers ' You always look so sad man, have a little fun.' His words hit me like a bullet even if he spoke without intention of hurting me. Whenever someone mentions my inability to be happy, I begin to feel the need to block everyone out. So, I do just that and turn my chair around to face the back of the classroom. I feel the presence of a lingering finger and turn my head slowly. I see Mark's face fill with surprise and I tell him ' I am unable to be happy in this hell hole of a school where most of the population treat me like shit'. My words hover in the air and I turn back before our teacher has the chance to hush us. As the last period's bell rings, I feel a presence following me and turn to see none other than Mark following me. ' I just wanted to see if you were okay, you seemed pretty out of it before' These words fill my mind and I wonder why he cares. So i express myself, ' Listen Mark, your words mean a lot to me but no one could actually save me at this point.' I wonder if I've already said too much and begin to walk alway rapidly. Before i'm out the door, Mark has the chance to stop me and he says' Tate, I know were not close but your presence sort of makes a difference in my life so I was just wondering if you wanted to come to my party Friday night?' I begin to panic and my anxiety creeps into me as I ponder on the ideas of what could be said. I realise that i'm taking much too long to answer and so I simply say ' I'll think about it' and run away with my school bag on my shoulders.
As I reach home, I slam my front door and run up the stairs two at a time to reach my room before getting stopped by either of my inconsiderate parents. I drop my bag and decide to leave my unfinished homework for later and lay on my bed overthinking what Mark said to me ' Tate, I know were not close but your presence sort of makes a difference in my life so I was just wondering if you wanted to come to my party Friday night?' I couldn't exactly comprehend what was being said to me because i've never spoken to Mark. He's always just been another person in my class to me. For him to say that i've made a difference in his life means a lot thought it makes me even more confused than ever before. I appreciate his concern and I'm beginning to think if I should make an appearance at his party. My initial response should have been no, but now that i'm going over everything that has been said , I wonder if I really would make a difference at his party. I bring myself to stand up and move towards the bathroom. ' I need to find something sharp' I tell myself. As I reach the blade, I face the mirror and I see someone I don't recognize. I'm staring and a stranger with a sulking face stares back. Who have I become? I'm disgusted with myself and begin to trace my skin with the blade. 'Maybe I should go to the party? Maybe it'll do me some good' and just then, i've decided to go to Mark's party. I clean up the blood running down my cold arms and pull my sleeves down before I run down the stairs to find my parents drinking their usual afternoon coffee. I announce ' I'm going out Saturday night'. They both stare at me with their mouths opened and I turn around and leave them in their amazement. I was expecting such a reaction because since I was little, i've never been invited to any parties. I've always been the one in the back of the class who keeps his mouth shut. Not one word was ever said by me and I remained the 'weird' kid who's parents hated him. As I lay down in my comforting bed that night, I think of the life i've lived so far. I soon decide to stop thinking of all the horrible things that have happened and I get lost in a story I begin to make up. This story is about a girl who likes to read. She gets so absorbed into what she reads that she starts to loose all sense of whats real. I think of the color of her hair, and what shade of blue her eyes are and that is how I drift into my sleep.
