Stone Heart

What Now

Chapter Five: What Now

My crying and yelling continued. The tears fell like rain from my eyes and the screams belted from my agape mouth. I didn't know what to do, so I stood there sobbing and screaming.

My thoughts collided in my skull. The inner conflict within myself caused me pain, physically and emotionally. Santino raped me and I unknowingly received his seed. If I knew I could have... could have what.

He dominated me, it was by the grace of God that I was able to get him off me when I did. Was this my fault? Did I do this to myself?

I looked over at Santino's limp body. His face was covered in bruises and blood from the brawl between me, him and Imani. The fight replayed in my thoughts. The punches, the kicks, and that math textbook. I wanted to smirk, but couldn't while looking at the body of the man I despised. I cursed his name and everything about; the ground he walked on, the air he breathed and the life he lived.

"He's dead," Imani said with a slight tinge in her voice.

While wrapped up in my own thoughts, tears and screams, I didn't realize that Imani had stopped her crying and made her way over to Santino's body. She sat on her knees hunched over Santino's apparently lifeless body.

"Good," I said abruptly. "That bitch nigga can rot in hell for all I care. He raped us Imani, and if we didn't kill him when we did he was going to rape you again. He is a sick bastard. He raped me and now I'm..."

I stopped myself before I could finish. I didn't want her to knew that he seeded me, hell I didn't even want to know. He deserved to die. He raped Imani and he raped me. Who knows what the fuck else he would have done.

"Carlisa... you can't mean that," she exhaled lightly. "Out of the two of us, you were the nicest. You had the kindest heart."

I sighed.

Did I mean what I said. Does anyone ever deserve to die. Even if they do, it is not my place to say. It's not my fault he died, I mean I didn't mean to kill him. My intentions were to protect me and Imani, not take a life. I take back the curses and the..

"Carlisa, WHAT THE FUCK happened to your leg," Imani screamed at me.

My thigh I thought. I looked down, then I ran to the bathroom next to Imani's room. I hope she didn't see it. I don't want her to know, I don't want anyone to know. I just want to forget... everything.

I grabbed the roll of tissue sitting on the floor and ripped of a couple sheets and wiped the mixture of liquids of my thigh.

"Carlisa," she said just loud enough so I could hear her on the other side of the door.

"Could you bring me a rag and a band aid," I said to the locked door. "Get my underwear and pants too."

I heard her walk off. I grabbed the soap from the bath tub and went to the sink and turned the hot water on. I sat on the toilette waiting for the water to get hot and for Imani to come back with the rag. How could this happen?

"Ugh," I sighed.

I got angry with myself. Anytime I had down time the same questions and thoughts ran through my mind. Why did this happen to me? Who would let this happen? Could this really be my fault?

"Aye, open the door," Imani called.

My thoughts were interrupted, once again, before I could find and answer. I got up and unlocked the door and opened it.

"Here," she said holding my pants, underwear, a rag and some.. tape?!?

"Bitch, where the fucking band aid, what's the damn tape for."

"Bitch we in a fucking recession, so you 'bout to use fucking tape and tissue," she said playfully.

I let out a small laugh and grabbed all the objects. I was closing the door, when Imani's hand stopped me.

"Are you okay," she asked, more seriously.

"Yeah, I'm good Santino just scratched my thigh when we was fightin'," I lied quickly and calmly.

She didn't say anything, she just walked off. I knew that she knew I was lying, but I was intent on riding this lie out to the end, that's what the fake "band aid" was for. Apparently, even that was not enough to get Imani off my back about the blood.

I went to the sink, where the water had got scalding hot. I placed the rag in the water, then scrubbed soap against the rag.

My hands were burning, but I couldn't help it. I felt so dirty, I just wanted to feel clean again. I scrubbed the burning rag against my inner thigh. I cringed at the pain of the burning sensation. I scrubbed vigorously, but I still felt dirty. Nothing could or would take this filth off of my skin. I added more hot water and scrubbed harder. I finally stopped when I saw the burns on my fingers and the back of my hand. I shut off the water and put on my clothes.

My hands finally began to hurt, while I was washing I couldn't feel the pain, but now it was excruciating. I looked down at them, light yellowish brown with blistering pink splotches painted across each one. I guess this is what it's going to take to get clean.

I walked out the bathroom to find Imani waiting at her bedroom door fully dressed and looking impatient.

"Here, put on your shoes," Imani said handing me my shoes.

"Huh... why," I said curiously, and while I was putting on my shoes.

"We're leaving."

_________________________________________________________________

Sorry if this chapter was short and uninteresting, but the next few chapters are going to be packed with action and emotions, so look forward to that. I will try to post and update every week, but I need to here from you all, so...

READ★COMMENT★VOTE★SHARE