INVISIBLE

…it’s just that, he don’t look my way, the way it was before…

I took a little sip of the bubble tea I just ordered, I feel so lost, and my only resort is, this tea. Pabo. I feel so pathetic. I’ve been starring at my phone since I arrived here, waiting for his e-mail or call may be. But it seems like… it seems like it won’t happen. It won’t happen anymore, not just today but… but until… until forever…

“Hyung? Wanna watch some movies?” I came next to him after we finished our rehearsal.

“Not today, Hunnie, I’m tired I want to have some sleep, maybe next time, kay?” he said. I simply nod then smiled and he passed by me.

I lay down on my bed still thinking of him, maybe his really tired and I too is indeed tired so maybe the movie watching can be re-scheduled some other day. I tried to close my eyes and have a nice slumber but I can’t get him off my mind. AHHHHHHHH! I pressed my face on the pillow given by him and tried to scream. Gosh! Why am I like this? I’m acting like a girl. I lay on my back and took a deep sigh. Just sleep Sehun, just sleep…

Thirty minutes later…

Nah! Who am I kidding? I can’t sleep, oh screw this feeling.

I don’t know why but I just found myself walking towards his room, I feel like turning back and just mingle with the other guys who managed to relax at the lounge but my feet are seem to be betraying me, they keep on moving on their own towards where he is. Thump. Thump. Thump. Every step is like my heartbeat. It’s like somebody is patting my whole body making me sound like a drum. One… two… three… and step, my feet whom has a mind of their own ceased to move. I am in front of his door right now. Should I enter? Should I go back?

I grasped the metal doorknob and its coldness bit my palm. Now where are those mittens when you need them? Silently and slowly I turn the knob and gently push the door that seem to wall between us.  And there with his eyes close on his bed he lay peacefully soft. He snores quietly like as if his exhaling his breath in his mouth and it’s making him looking so cute. Oh I miss pinching those cheeks.

“Hyung?” softly I murmured. No answer.

“Ehhheeemmm… Hyung are you asleep?” I cleared my throat and whispered again and all he replied is his quiet snore. I tried to let my eyes roam around to see if his roommate Xiumin hyung is around but it seems like his with the others. I made a little smile on my face and inside my heart because of that.

“Lulu,” I uttered and tip toed up to his bed. I cushioned myself on the edge of his ever clean as what he accounts, bed.

“Lulu? Can I sleep here?” I asked as if he would reply. I made a sigh and lay beside him trying to be inside his arms. I looked up and stared at his face. Beautiful. I smiled and closed my eyes.

Minutes later I felt like something move and a certain warm was wrap upon me like arms stretching to enclose my body. It felt so safe and secure… then a kiss was place upon my forehead and I fell asleep. Deeply.

The next day… I woke up alone, with bits of sun rays seaming from the curtains wanting to touch my cheeks. I let my fingers move and touch my forehead that was caress by his lips last night. Was that a dream? But no, I guess not. God, this is something that he did which is so hard to ignore. I’m so screwed up, I feel like a girl giggling.

“Aha! So you people we’re eating breakfast already,” I exclaimed after seeing them noisily eating at the dining table. Of course, I looked for him, my eyes shifted from one sit to another, slowly I scanned the faces of our members only ending up with me having wrinkles upon my forehead and slowly the smile that my lips joyfully created fade. Just faded.