Down here, I can feel the coolness creep across the floor from under the closed door. Voices faint in the distance of the other rooms. My body so heavy, I could never move on my own. It's been like this ever since I can remember. Terrible really. Seeing the world around you smile, laugh, dance... Love. Until, I met Sicilia. Her mother had taken me in and moved me into her room. I was only 3 years old at the time, still paralyzed. Still lifeless. Yet she entertained me, she loved me, Sicilia made me feel like life was worth living.
The night whispered frost upon the house the night it happened. Sicilia's parents had left town for some convention. Although I know it was for some second honeymoon they had been gawking about. Everyone spills secrets in front of me because I can't speak, can't move, and probably because they think I'm to stupid to understand. Well I do. And you two go off on vacation instead of sending her to music camp? Terrible people. Well, not really I suppose.
Sicilia and I were watching some old television special, she held me, as she always does. Her gold locks of hair tickled my face as I lay in her lap. Her new shampoo smelled wonderful dancing across my face. She smiled, rocked her feet left and right when she got excited from the show. Her smile was broken, as she had just lost her two front teeth, but as darling as ever. Her silk sleeping gown draped over her, it was a few sizes too big, but Nancy said she would grow into it, although she wouldn't.
She wouldn't grow into that gown, she wouldn't get to watch another silly special with me, she wouldn't get to learn to ride her bike on two wheels or even make her first best friend. She wouldn't get to eat her favorite apple pie Granny Marie brings over on Thanksgiving day, or ride on Gregory's back after the Patriots won a game. Because soon, Sicilia would go away.
"Look Clark! That dog is walking like a man!" She could barely speak through her giggling. She turned my head in the way of the screen so I could see the event. Static showed a bit, due to the storm outside, but behind it a small cloud white poodle was hopping and walking on it's hind legs while it followed someone carrying a large bone around. "I wish mother would get me a puppy Clark..." She looked down at me with sad wrinkles between her eyebrows. Secretly I wished she would never get a puppy. That would mean she would probably forget all about me. How could I compete with such a vigorous beast full of life and cuteness.
"Hey Clark, guess what I have!?" Sicilia reached in between her mattress and pillow and pulled out one stick of sour apple cannon gum. Said to be the most sour but most delicious flavor cannon has to offer! Or say the commercials anyway. "I want to share this with you!"
She tore the gum in half. She always tried to include me in everything, that's just the way she was. It made my heart hurt that our parents didn't spend more time with her. It makes it hurt like it's wrapped in thick plastic and hardened so it can't possibly beat.
She put the half stick to my lips. "Does it taste good..?" She spoke muffled as she already had stuffed the other piece into her mouth. Her small perfect face shifted and contorted in strange ways as the sour over came her. In that brief moment, that I shared with her, I thought I could almost move my own face, to share this experience. But alas, of course not.
The room grew quiet, as Ms. Richmond had put Sicilia and I to bed. She was a beautiful old lady. Probably what Mrs. Claus would have looked like. Tucking Sicilia in and taking the gum out of her sleeping mouth, she looked so angelic, so innocent laying there.
Mrs. Richmond picked me up as well, she probably thought I was sleeping too. Bending over was bad for her back, I felt sorry for her. She placed me kindly to sleep. My bed was harder, wooden, it was good for my back I suppose. I slept across from Sicilia.
The door shut, and a Mr. Potato Head night light shined dimly in the room. Soon after, I could hear, Ms. Richmond snoring in the Den almost as cute as Sicilia's quiet night noises.
The storm had settled. I could see the window, rain droplets raced down the glass. Soft wind, and soft breath through the warm room. It was truly a wonderful night. I thought I may be able to actually sleep. I almost did.
1:37 am. CRACK. A large sound broke through the house like a hurricane. I heard glass falling shrill onto the floor. A moment of panic from Ms. Richmond, then silence.
I felt nervous, overwhelmed and horrified all at once. I couldn't see Sicilia from the angle Ms. Richmond had placed me. I could here her still snoring away in a beautiful dream. Then heavy footsteps creaked the dark oak floorboards. They became more distinct with time, heavier, heavier until silence again..
My mind was about to explode, what was happening?! This seemed like a show Greg would watch at night when Mother and Sicilia were asleep. The door knob shifted and turned slowly. I could here a different breath now. So heavy, smoky, like an extinguished campfire. Then the creaking again. The footsteps came closer, every step a bullet to my chest.
The man looked at me, I stared blankly back at him in disbelief. His face was terrifying. Black beady eyes, and a long wired mustache. His skin was old and smelled of alcohol. He grabbed me and smiled, he knew I was helpless, that I couldn't speak or move, but not for a second did I fear for myself, but Sicilia, please, PLEASE, do nothing to her!
He tossed me into the corner, smashing my face into the floor boards. Again, my head was angled so I could only see the silhouettes of man's large body made by Mr. Potato Head. Please.. GOD PLEASE! I screamed in my mind as he moved closer to Sicilia. The sliding of his boots against the floor. The creaking grew slower until it stopped completely. Finally she woke in a shrill scream.
"CLARK!" She yelled at the top of her lungs as he lifted her. I saw both their shapes now. As he ripped of her gown and began to touch her, lick her..."CLARK PLEASE" ...kiss her. "CLARK AHH! CLARK PLEASE CLARK!" Her shadow was flailing and struggling as he lifted her higher. "CLARK.. PLEAS-S-S-S!" She was sobbing so hard I could hear her tears. The sound of her air being held from her, like a leaking gas tank.
The tiny shadow squirmed on the wall for a few more seconds. The larger shadow collided with it in different ways for a long while. Sounds of pounding flesh were heavy in the air. He beat her to death that man. That monster.
When the man left, I could only smell metal and a light fragrance of chewing gum.
~<><>~
That was 5 years ago. Greg and Mother rarely came into our room anymore. Except to throw away Sicilia's things. I could barely look at them either. The memories of him even in this room make me grow sicker every day.
Today though, I overheard we were having a yard sale. Mother was so kind enough to sit me outside and let me watch the happenings. Many people filtered in and out, looking at strange old things the family had collected over the years.
A tall man, suave and kind looking, with beautiful eyes, and his son following him by hand walked near me signaling Nancy. He probably was going to ask for prices of something, as that's what everyone was doing today.
"How much for this?" He pointed what seemed almost at me.
"Oh this...?" Nancy sighed, sadness in her voice.
"Yeah what is it anyway?" He inquired.
"Clark Kent. It's a Superman Doll. It was..." A stutter in her voice as I was hoisted into the air by her. She stared at me with wetness in her eyes. "It's free, it was my daughters favorite hero.."
The man was puzzled. I was lifted and placed into the man's hand, then the little boy's. "Here John! Look he's a super hero!" The boy laughed in excitement and pure joy.
I wish I could be honest, but I could never speak ever since I can remember. I'd let him know.
I'm no Hero.
