Her Choice

       To this day I still can’t believe I gave her the choice. How could I be so ignorant? I said I would wait for her as long as it takes. Why did I say that? After I profess my affection for her, and she decides to run away with him. I will never understand that. I said I would protect her from any harm, I will love her to the day I die, and I would never leave or betray her. The moment she told me what he said my heart stopped. “We could do it, you know. Leave the district. Run off. Live in the woods. You and I, we could make it.” Gale Hawthorne I despise and curse you until the day you die.

Just like I remember they fled to district two. Gale received a secure fancy job working for Panem’s new government. While Katniss took care for their youngster. Maybe that’s why she abandoned us. Was she carrying his baby? I don’t exactly know when she found out but I know that Gash is at least one.

It just doesn’t make sense. If they were really going to run away together they would be living in the woods. They would be supporting each other, not the government. Why would Katniss desire to be involved with the government, after all she has been through? For example, her sister’s death, Cinna’s death, and being in the hunger games twice. It just doesn’t make any sense. Maybe there was a trick or secret. Something that caused her to leave and be at Gale’s side. He did have a lot of sneaky tricks up his sleeve. On the other hand, what if it was a secret and if anyone else found out they would kill me? Right now my life feels like a nightmare. I just can’t escape and come back to reality. Although in the end this is reality.

I just don’t know anymore. I can’t think or even breathe without her. Every time I try to inhale I feel my lungs closing and my throat growing sore. My heart craves and yearns for her every single day. Even though I could live in paradise, I choose to come back to my home the bakery. It’s the only thing I have left of her. I sit out here with the pigs every single day rain or shine. When the clouds let out their sorrow so do I. It feels like a nightmare, I just can’t escape and come back to reality. Although in the end this is reality.

It feels like just a second ago, I saw a young beautiful girl starving outside of the bakery. I deliberately burned the bread so I could eventually give it to her. That was my plan the whole time. Whenever I enter my deepest depression I remember that moment. I try to touch her or just reach out for her hand but before I know she begins to disappear.  

Why couldn’t she at least say goodbye or tell me the “plan?” That is if there even was a plan. Every night when we were participating in the games, we used to talk about the future together until we fell asleep in each other’s arms. I told her so many secrets. Secrets, I would never trust anyone else to know. I pray that they didn’t fall into the wrong hands. Who knows what kind of weapon they could be now.

Was it just for show? Did Haymitch give her advice? I remember a lot of things about him but thing that makes him most memorable is that he loved drama. Our audience loved drama also. Haymitch told her the first time to kiss me. I knew she didn’t want to do it. The look in her eyes described resentment. Maybe because of me or Haymitch. I guess I will never know.

This thought came back to me so many times. Run away, find her, and win her back. I almost did it a few times. The thing that stopped me was my conscience. It kept telling me I will never be able to do it. Live in the wild again, “yea like that’s ever going to happen again.” I only survived because of Katniss. She was with me every step of the way. I believed in myself because she believed in me. Well, I thought she did. Time will tell, how desperate I get. I am sure of one thing, love can and will make you do crazy things. Love never truly dies or perishes, it just hides until its “right.”

I have recurring dreams every night of her. I walk through the dim black door way. She’s in the kitchen fixing dinner waiting for Gale to return from work. Gash is in his high chair eating. He’s so hungry he can’t wait for his dad to come home.

“Mommy who is he?” Gash says as he looks up at me as if I was an evil green alien. She turns on her heel and gasps,

“What are you doing here?”

“I came back for you, I can’t live without you,” I replied with tears filling my blue orbs.

“I’m sorry, I just had to protect you,” she cries.

“I knew there was a plan, let’s run away together and never look back?” I pleaded.

“I can’t it’s not safe,” She pleas.

“Don’t worry, I will protect you,” I coo as I begin to approach her weak body.

“I missed you!” she simply replies. My eyes flashed open and I gasped for air. I sat up slowly, wiping my forehead and neck, both damp with sweat. I checked the perimeter of my room, but my dream was already fading. I kicked the wool brown covers off. I know that my memory isn’t the sharpest. As a result, I write down every single dream I have before its gone forever. I have an entire notebook of my romantic dreams. Each one is a different scenario. I’m onto my writing in my second notebook. My stock is decreasing every single night.

They all have different ranges. Either Katniss is in trouble, weak, abused, suicidal, or just happy. I know one day I will be her prince in shining armor. It’s just a matter of getting there.

Heyy thank you so much for takin the time to read my hunger game fan fiction. I hope you enjoyed it. I have written atleast 10 chapters already. so if your're intrested read, like and comment. I will update at 5-10 views, 1 like or 1 comment. Get me there!! Lastly, I just wanted to mention that if you haven't noticed already this in Peeta's P.O.V. (Point of View) It always will!-Elizabethxoxo